The Grammy Awards
by Lorne Garraty
Summary: <html><head></head>A series of short stories all told from Yuki's point of view and all surrounding his inner thoughts on Shuichi and the more difficult aspects of their life.</html>
1. The Grammy Awards: Part 1

**Disclaimer: The story nor the character depicted here belong to me.**

**Authors Note:**

**Not sure where I'm going with this, maybe a one-shot, maybe not. I've just always like the idea of Eiri being proud of and admiring Shuichi.**

**Edit: I have edited this story upon request. I looked it over and found out just how bad one's grammar is at 11pm.**

I should have worn sunglasses. Because even with the darkly tinted windows I was already squinting from the bright light. There were hundreds of flashes as our black limousine pulled up alongside the famous red carpet. A driver opened the door and I suddenly found myself thanking God that I didn't suffer from epilepsy. I could barely see anything and all I could hear was my name being screamed over and over. And why wouldn't they be curious to know why a famous romance novelist such as myself was at a Grammy Awards Ceremony?

Now, this is not my first time in the spotlight obviously. Interviews, special guest appearances, I'm no stranger to the camera. But this has to be the first time that I've been behind the camera and it's not about me. In fact, I'm only here by association. Association with my brat who-

Oh, speak of the devil. Here he comes. He slides out of the same car that I came out of and when his foot hit's the carpet and his head dips to avoid the roof then comes back up as he stands the camera flashes seem to triple, the screams get all the more louder, and the body guards are all the more needed.

Shindou Shuichi.

Lead vocalist of the current number one band in Japan, Bad Luck. I remember him telling me briefly about an idea him and Tohma were discussing. A solo album, no doubt that will also hit number one. But besides having what many call the best vocals in Japan since the days of Sakuma Ryuichi he is also (whether he intended it or not) a fashion icon.  
>A fashion statement I can understand. But icon? I'm not sure who would take advice from him. Now, I'm not saying he doesn't look drop dead gorgeous in what he chooses to wear. I just can't see any other man -or woman for that matter- being able to pull it off.<p>

What he has on for this particular event are the tightest and lowest pair of black leather pants I have ever seen in my life. They seem to disappear at the knee though, which is where his black, platform, knee high boots begin. They match his hair, which he died last week back to black and has covered every magazine since. I can remember seeing it on the way home at the store where I get my cigarettes before I actually saw it on his head. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. To say I was pleased? Also an understatement. But today, instead of it hanging loosely, his hair is gelled up in a style he calls a "bouffant". Whatever the hell that is. Then to make sure he has that expected glam, he's wearing a tank-top that I wouldn't argue to say is made entirely from glitter. The tank he is wearing has to be the baggiest, most sparkly, most pink thing I have ever seen him wear. And that's hard.

I myself just settled for your standard black tie suit.

But despite all of this I am forced to hide my contentment with the fact that as he steps out of the car and everybody is taking his picture and screaming his name, just begging for a little bit of his attention, his eyes still flash to mine first and a smile paints itself on his face. Then I feel his soft, precious hand intertwine with mine and I completely lose the ability to make a sarcastic comment. I just have enough pride remaining to look away without that smile that desperately wants to come out make it on to my face.

We walk forward and I take a second to look back and see Suguru trailing behind us alone with a blank expression and Nakano behind him with Ayaka linked to his arm. I remember listening to the rest of them in the car complaining about the paparazzi and then I can remember glancing over at Shuichi who hadn't voiced a single complaint or even an agreement. And now I can almost describe this feeling of pride, what I feel towards my brat. Because compared to how much they're hounding him what the rest of the band is getting is nothing. Its Shuichi they're all screaming at. Whether demanding he look there way or just expressing what they claim to be love.

We finally reach the part I was dreading. The place where you stand in front of a whole bunch of useless advertisement backgrounds and _allow_ these people to take you're picture. Nevertheless we stand there hand in hand. I plaster my fake, yet charming,smile on for them while Shuichi's smile comes naturally. He waves and eventually leans against me and places the hand that's not clinging to mine over my stomach.

After a few seconds and I feel I've given them enough of my time I look away and bury my lips in my brats hair, covering the hand on my lower torso with my own, then once I feel they've had enough of him I drag us away. And once our backs are away from the seizure activators I have to blink a few times before my vision is okay again.

I look down at him and as all of what has just happens starts to make sense I finally come to terms with what is only now very shocking.

I am in a public, long term relationship, with a pop star.

And what scares me even more?

Is that I think I might actually, possibly, maybe, love him.

**A/N**

**Tell me if you think I should continue. I have some ideas for when the actual ceremony is taking place. Not sure though.**


	2. The Grammy Awards: Part 2

**Disclaimer: The story nor the characters depicted here belong to me.**

**A/N **

**Here's the second part, if it's not good, at least I tried.**

Shuichi was my lover before we were even acquaintances. I really do think we skipped a lot of steps in the relationship process. And maybe that's why we fight so much, we're still learning. Learning what it takes to make this work. Or maybe it's just us. But I just know that we had no control over ourselves when we met. There was no way for us to slow down and take a breather. No time it seemed, to even talk about if we even _wanted _to be together. We were too busy. Too busy getting our fill of each other. Satisfying that animalistic craving our bodies can't seem to overcome. And that's what started this whole mess. That's what our relationship, to start with, was totally based on. A instinctual attraction that we just had no chance in trying to deny.

Now that me and Shuichi have been together for awhile, I would be content with calling him my best friend (ugh, how I truly _despise _that term). Though I'd never be caught dead saying it. The only reason I'm saying "best friend" is because there is no other word for him, but he's the equivalent of what the word represents. He is also the most important person to me, another thing I would never in a million years be caught _dead_ saying.

And as I look at him now, sitting next to me in this oversized auditorium, holding one of my large, rough, hands in both of his small, soft ones, I can't help but smirk at my good fortune. He's everything I could ever want. …It's just unfortunate that there's a whole hell of a lot in there that I could sure as _fuck_ do without. Like the screaming, the crying, the bashful attempts at romance, the claims of undying love. But that's the sacrifice I make. And I've come to terms with the fact that I will always have to live with it and maybe I don't want to, because without all that Shuichi would not be Shuichi and I am not okay with that. But all the annoyances are worth it when he smiles, laughs (and not an obnoxious, loud, over the top laugh. I mean a small, soft, dare I say it, "giggle". A soft laugh that often occurs while he's sated from sex and I make a unusually romantic, or how he prefers to call it, "cute" comment), when he sits on the sofa right before it's time for bed and practically begs me with his eyes to not leave him all alone and invite him into bed with me. I am not a talkative person. I am a physical being but that doesn't always mean sex. It just simply means that I think we say a lot more, and express how we feel a lot better, with our bodies and how we choose to use them. Though that totally counteracts the fact that I am a writer, but I could honestly care less.

He's wearing that smile again. The one I hate. The only reason I hate it is because when it's pointed at me I would honestly do anything for him. For all the times he has asked something of me, he's never worn that smile and that's a good thing because if he did I could never resist. But what's worse? He only ever wears that smile when he's relaxed. And when he is relaxed, totally calm, he is unusually quiet. Now, Shuichi is only ever quiet when he is extremely- not happy, no. Content. Yes, that's the word. There is a difference with him. When he is either extremely content or extremely scared. Not sad, Shuichi cries when he is sad. But I can remember after his rape, the first night after that that he spent with me. It must have been the first time he had had a chance to come to terms with how truly sobering the event was. I can remember (oh, how I wish to God I couldn't) waking up and him not being there. The reason I panicked? I had invited him to sleep with me. Told him that I wanted him. And for him not to be there terrified me almost, _almost, _as much as what I saw next.

I finally found him in the bathroom. Sitting in the tub. The lights had remained off and his clothes had remained on. And all he was doing was washing. Furiously and ruthlessly scrubbing at his bare skin. Trying to wash what I knew he wouldn't believe wasn't there. But it wasn't. He would never be able to wash it off because it wasn't on the surface, not anymore. Now it was in his brain. Lodged in the depths of his mind with no hope for ever coming out. And the only way I knew he figured he could kill it, could be to scrub and scrub and scrub until that dirty, damaged feeling went away. I have returned to that nightmare again an-

I am finally snapped out of my horrific trip down memory lane when the ceremony begins. Reiji "Rage" is hosting it this year and I have to give them props because she couldn't have been a worse choice. But they picked her because Ryuichi has been back in Japan for awhile (apparently he missed his Shu-chan) and since then the rest of Japan has just fallen in love with Rage. She's loud and gets people's attention and has them laughing. Even Shuichi. She said a few jokes that I was surprised he got. Then again, he's always surprising me.

"Now I wanted to came here with a date." Rage says, continuing the pre-show commentary which I personally think they drag on way too long these days. "But it turns out _every. Single. Woman. _Booked all of the men ahead of time because I couldn't find one. Not one man left. Then it was just last night and I was thinking about it and I thought 'Oh my God, I totally forgot about the two most hottest, famous men in Japan.' Well they must be trying to screw me over because it turns out those two came together."

The camera no doubt turned on us as Rage gestured melodramatically our way. Then the whole building seemed to shake with laughter and I had to hold back a chuckle myself. Not so much at the joke but at Shuichi who threw his head back with laughter who was eventually accompanied by Nakano who clapped him on the shoulder. I let a smile creep past my lips.

The rest of the ceremony went by smoothly. Every so often, too make sure Shuichi didn't think I was being completely civil, I'd lean over and whisper a totally uncivil comment about whatever was happening into his ear. I'd hear him try to hold back a laugh and he'd look over at me with a mask of amusement and fake irritation while I'd put on a mask of fake innocence.

Shuichi smiled wildly when finally the part he's been waiting for arrives. The winners for the award "Best New Artist". There really couldn't be anyone but him to win it but I didn't let that show. I couldn't bear to get his hopes up because I couldn't bear to watch them crumble. He had been in hysterics upon hearing Bad Luck had been nominated.

They have Ryuichi presenting the award and he is mentioning how he remembers winning this very award a _very _long time ago. Once he is done and the envelop is handed over it seems like an hour passes of anticipation and Shuichi squeezing the life out of my hand.

"And the winner, of the 1998 Grammy Award for Best New Artist is-"

It came as absolutely no surprise to me when he said Bad Luck.

Absolutely none. Zero. Zilch.

It made perfect sense and I would have been angry otherwise. Despite what I often said, more so then not to get out a rise out of the brat, Shuichi was unbelievably talented. It still to this day comes as a shock when I hear that voice that I hear so often on the radio in my car, come out of _his _mouth.

I don't clap though. I never clap. And even if a genuinely wanted to, I still wouldn't. Because Shuichi knows I don't and would think I was faking it anyway. So instead I watch as he leaps six feet into the air out of his seat along with Nakano who picks Shu right up off the ground. Shuichi blissfully jumps into his arms and wraps his legs around his waist and his arms around the guitarists neck. That sure brings back memories. I can remember picking him up at the airport one time after a three month tour (never letting him do that again) and walking into the apartment and kicking the door shut with him latched onto me the exact same way. Of course when _we_ did this our mouths were devouring each other and while my hands were wrapped around his thighs holding him up, his hands were locked in my hair.

Before I get too excited thinking we might be repeating that process again tonight if this event is any longer I look up just in time to see Shuichi being "hugged", more like embraced, by one brave man, Sakama Ryuichi. Suguru then says a few unimportant essentials and I'm waiting again until he returns to me.

And when he does I'm thanking my lucky stars that Shuichi is not the one holding the trophy because he launches his full weight at me. Then proceeding to straddle me in my chair and before I can tell him to knock it off and sit down he whispers in my ear. So softly I almost don't catch it.

"Did I do good Yuki?" His breath against my neck makes me shudder

I feel his nose nuzzle my neck as he waits for my sarcastic remark I'm expected to give but I surprise him by saying.

"Yeah, yeah you did. Good job, brat."

What can I say? I'm feeling generous and I can pick a day every once and awhile to be nice to him. And I'm positive I've made him over-the-moon-happy to have chosen today.

So for the rest of the night he stays on my lap and kisses my neck while I subtly slip my hand under his shirt and rub his back. Today is for him and it is all about him. And I'm okay with giving up one day for that. Because I know that tomorrow everything will be exactly the same. I'll yell at him and he'll cry and beg me to nice but I won't. And then we'll have sex and then I'll promptly throw him out and onto the couch for the night.

Tomorrow it will go back to being all about me. He'll beg _me_ to say I love him. I'll yell at him even though it's _my_ fault, and then I'll kick him out after we fuck even though it's _our _bed.

But tonight I think, for just this once, I'll make it about him. I won't yell at him on the way home for crying over something _I _did. I'll make love to him tonight. Not fuck. No, we will _make love._ I'll make love to him like he's always wanted. I'll be gentle and satisfy him before myself. Then after, I won't throw him out, I'll allow him to sleep on _our_ bed.

In the morning I'll wake up and search my head for something to scream at him about. Because I can't take to much intimacy. Too much of the loathed "L" word. It scares me and makes me uncomfortable. But I think I can tolerate it for tonight.

Because I've come to realize tonight that I can't always be the center of the universe.

Even though Shuichi is always the center of mine.

**A/N**

**Probably the end, unless you people request otherwise, so please let me know.**

**As always, reviews are always welcomed. Even constructive criticisms are good in my books.**

**(Also, about the spelling, I'm having a beta-reader look over it so _please _be patient with me.)**


	3. An Accident: Part 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the story nor the characters depicted here.**

**A/N**

**I have decided to make the story, instead of one short a story, a series of short stories. So what you are going to be reading now is a new short story I started. Each will probably have about 2 or 3 parts. I hope you enjoy and thank you for everyone who has been so wonderful.**

I told that brat- I _told _him that he would get himself hurt. And what do you know? He gets himself hurt. Bad Luck was preparing for it's biggest concert ever. Shuichi had been so excited… Anyway, the band had been previously told that they would be advised to wait until the entire set was complete before going there to rehearse. Knowing Shuichi as well as I do, well at least as well as I think I do, I knew, I _knew_ he'd want to forget that load of bullshit and sing. Because singing is his life. It's what his body was made to do. Shuichi is always at his best when he is singing. Even I can see that.

And stupid, idiotic me. I thought I could trust Nakano to protect the brat, _my _brat. I always had this setup in the back of my mind that Shuichi is mine and mine alone to protect. I consider that that my job more so then I do writing. And it might sound like I'm being overprotective, but trust me, it's a full-time job keeping that moron out of trouble. But when he is at work and I cannot be there to keep an eye on him, I feel that my job is temporarily passed over to Nakano Hiroshi. Now I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. Because I'm working on my new book this morning, planning out the plot and such, and I get a phone call saying Shuichi has been in an accident.

First words out my mouth: "Whose _fucking _responsible?"

Now, you may be wondering why the first thing I asked wasn't 'Where is he?' or 'How bad is he injured?' But you have to understand, I get at _least _one call every week from Shuichi saying he has a life threatening injury and that I should hurry over so we can have that whole Romeo and Juliet moment. I'm used to him being hurt. You kind of get immune to it. But to find out he's been hurt and it's not because of his own stupidity? That set me off. I wanted to know who I was killing and I wanted to know _now. _

_My _fuck hole, _my _brat. _My _Shuichi.

He belongs to me and I trusted him in their care and now they're saying he's going to be damaged when he's brought back to me? _Fuck _no, It does _not _fucking work that way.

I didn't even take note as to who was calling when I picked up the phone or even when the voice told me the news I couldn't identify the voice through the overwhelming fury. Now that what they were saying was something my mind reminded me was something I should listen to I was able to recognize the tone as belonging to Tohma.

"Calm down Eiri, it was nobody's fault."

"Who the _fu-"_

Tohma showed some rare balls and interrupted me.

"We'll discuss it later. I just know that Shindou-san and Nakano-san were at their concert venue and a piece of the set fell down onto Shindou-san. I don't know how he is or any other information I know you're going to demand for me."

"Where-"

"He's just at the local hospital. I wouldn't recommend you go down there though. The paparazzi surrounding the place is ludicrous. No, I would stay there because eventually they'll be looking for you as well. I'd just wait and K will get Shindou-san returned to you as soon as possible."

I was silent in astonishment before I found my voice.

"I'm sorry, Tohma. But you're fucking insane if you think I'm just going to sit here and wait while Shuichi, who -in case you forgot- is my lover. Despite how you may wish otherwise, because I know you fucking do, it's the truth."

I loved Tohma like a brother but he should know better then test my patience like that.

"Eiri, if you were to go down there now the press would have field day, do you here me? It's probably not even that big of a deal. You'd only make it harder for him. Maybe that will help get the message through to you? I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure both you and him would prefer to be home together then possibly locked in a hospital for God knows how long."

"This would be a hell of a lot easier if I knew how he was." I whispered in a deadly tone.

"If it means that much to you-"

"_Of course it fucking means that much to me!_" My patience was inexistent now.

" -then I'll call the hospital and then get back to you immediately"

I hung up. I was going to lose it if I listened to him any longer. Though there was some truth to what he was saying. I just couldn't even consider the possibility of Shu d- No. That would not happen. He couldn't do that. Not possible.

I had this strong desire to turn on the television and switch to the news. They'd know… They'd find out if. But no, that wasn't even a consideration so why bother. But either way I found myself lying stomach down across the couch, remote in hand, staring at a black screen. And that's how I fell into a deep sleep.

**A/N **

**Please take the time to review, Opinions, advice, or just a pat on the back. Anything helps. **


	4. An Accident: Part 2

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

**A/N: Not overly dramatic, just a conclusion and an after thought. I may come back to this, actually I'm almost positive I will. But for now this will do, and besides I have another idea on my mind that I'm excited to write. I'm thinking of going back to that scene from The Grammy Awards: Part 2 where Yuki is remembering Shuichi's actions after the rape and maybe elaborating on that some more. Make it a story on it's own. At least that's the plan for now.**

I was told when they got out that Shu had to be given strong pain medications and they had knocked him out cold. Then after that I found out that the doctors just thought he was in a lot of pain because he was crying and wasn't answering them. K told me what seemed more easy to believe. Shuichi had been crying because I wasn't there and nobody would tell him what was wrong. That was much easier to believe because even though Shuichi can be whiny and clingy and annoying and loud and immature and overdramatic…What was I talking about again? …Oh yeah, despite all that there is one thing I know for sure. Shuichi is no sissy. I've seen him pull twenty-four hour shifts at the studio then come home and he'll try to talk to me even though I can see him holding back tears from the pain in his throat. Once he asked me to pick him up and I'd said no because he didn't give me a valid reason. When he came home it turned out he had a sprained ankle. Now I frequently remind him that _pain, _is a valid reason.

So no, Shu isn't a sissy. He's brave. He's just a brave person who absolutely _hates _being confused. Me and him are a lot alike that way.

So K came up to my apartment, carrying my little bundle of pure idiot just like you'd carry a baby. I gave a sigh of relief that the only thing that was obviously wrong was the wrap of bandages encasing his right elbow.

"Where's Nakano?" It might have been a little injury, and my relief was overwhelmingly soothing, but my inner fury hadn't gone down in the _slightest. _

"He didn't feel like it would do Shuichi any good to wake up and find out his boyfriend has killed his best friend."

I just nodded. So Hiro knows how much trouble he's in… Interesting. What's even more interesting? It sounds like he knows that this is his fault.

"So, how's the brat?" I inquired, my arms reaching for Shuichi. Not a request. A _demand. _K complied immediately, gently maneuvering the tiny body in comparison to my arms. He fit perfectly, and I almost smiled but the frown on my face was still permanent.

"He's fine. He broke his elbow when a lighting fixture fell on him. He scheduled for surgery in the morning. You can thank Tohma for that. You can also thank him for being allowed out for a few hours. They said it wouldn't cause any harm as long as he is careful and its not for that long. So I'll be back later to pick him up."

"You mean, pick _us _up."

K simply smiled at my angry expression. "Of course." Then he left.

I then dipped my head forward until my lips touched his forward and whispered:

"You truly are a complete idiot."

So later I'll drive him to the hospital and he'll beg me to stay with him through the night, awaiting his surgery. I'll refuse and even walk out but after torturing myself with thoughts I'll come back and lay beside him in the small bed they've provided. I'll lie down on my side and allow him to rest his head on my arm. The nurses will show up sometime in the very early morning and I'll be forced to go as he's wheeled away.

And while he is in surgery I may pay Nakano a visit. But I won't hurt him. Because that would hurt Shu. No, I'll just have a nice _long _chat with him. And maybe I'll repeat to him the very thing he said to me when me and Shuichi first started dating him. I'll look him in the eye a say with an arrogant smirk on my face:

"If he ever has a reason to cry other than from his own naïve stupidity, I will never forgive you."


	5. Nothing Changes

**Disclaimer: I do not own this story nor the characters depicted here.**

**A/N: I like this, I think. Not sure. Though to be honest, I never really am.**

I'm not sure what woke me up. I'd like to believe that it was just the shift in the mattress or I am just a very light sleeper. But I know it's the fact that my body now _craves_ a close proximity with Shuichi's body. Even if our minds, our _beings _if you will, are angry at each other, or bodies can never be mad and will go through withdrawal from any separation. It's this closeness with him that almost makes the idea of soul mates believable. Because when we're making love, (I only use that term because me and him do not technically share the ability to have actual _sex, _and I consider fucking when I don't care about anything except satisfying this need to claim his as my own) I cannot tell where he ends and I begin. We are one person and it feels amazing to be conjoined while we spend the entire day separating by two bodies. So now, because of this connection that I myself find so hard to deny despite how much I may want to, my body is startled by the sudden loss of it's donated warmth and wakes up. Searching, _searching, _for it's life partner.

Without even thinking I stand up and my head swivels and my ears reach out. The sound of light splashes of water reaches my brain and the unexpected sound puts my eyes on alert for the source. When my eyes are unable to see my ears again take over and my feet join in with the reinforcements to help detect the disturbance which could only be being made by Shuichi.

I find myself at the bathroom. I almost ignore the room seeing as the darkness still encompasses the room in its grip but my ears pull the strings on my legs to make them turn and what meets my eyes is heartbreaking.

My earlier panic stricken body seemed immune to anything except finding its companion so now that that mission is complete my mind finally regains it's control and I am able to hear the soft sobs that are escaping through his adorably small mouth.

I know he doesn't see me. He cannot see anything. All I can see is his small body, still covered in the same clothes from merely a few hours ago, sitting in a half way filled tub. The arms, the legs, any exposed skin is beet red, the blood underneath the delicate tissue threatening to seep through the thinning skin. Why? Because his unbearably thin arms are scrubbing at any skin easily accessible.

This had been expected. Some form, any form of a reaction to what his innocent soul and shell had to endure was to be expected. I had just been hoping it would happen tomorrow. Always tomorrow. Never expecting today. And why did it have to have been this reaction? Why had he chosen to deal with it this way? Why had he not come and talk to me, or even just cry to me? Why had he not just had nightmares night after night? Why had his brain chosen the most heartbreaking way to deal with the shock. The disgust. The self loathing.

I walk quickly and drop to my knees beside to tub but he doesn't take notice to me until I wrap my hand around his wrist, his aching wrist.

"Shuichi, stop…"

His eyes flash to mine and I see the utter shock and then they change to what looks like determination as he quickly rips his arm from my grasp and continues scrubbing at his other arm.

"Yuki…I have to…I have to…" He quietly spits out in between hiccupping sobs.

I grab his arm again with more force this time.

"You're not dirty, Shuichi… There's nothing there." I whisper words that I personally know will not help but they provide enough of a distraction that I am able to slip the sponge from his hand. He coughs up another sob and his eyes close tightly, but I know this is a bad idea. He will only remember more if his eyes have nothing else to see.

"Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes." I chant quickly, placing my hand over his red, tender cheek. He listens to me but just looks straight ahead at the wall.

I reach behind me and pull a large towel off the rack. I stand up slowly as to not startle him without breaking the contact between my hand and his face.

"Shuichi." His eyes flash up finally and meet mine with a look of surprise.

"Come on, get up." My hand trails down his body and I lean over to too take hold of his hand in my own to help him stand. When he does I can see how truly red he is, how wet and cold, and most importantly, how incredibly small. I wrap the towel around his shoulders and figure the only way he'll make it back to the bedroom is if I carry him.

I place my hands around his rib cage under his arms and lift him up like a toddler. That's one of the advantages of being to much bigger then your lover. You can lift them up and carry them with ease. Which is usually a romantic gesture. Not this time though. I pull him to me as he automatically out of previous experience warps his wet legs around my bare chest and his arms around my thick neck.

He burrows his face into me and I know he's trying to block out everything with my scent as I feel him inhale deeply.

"Easy now…" I say instinctively, rubbing his towel covered back with one hand as my other supports him. I slowly walk back to the bedroom. Very slowly, hoping the motion will be soothing and possibly put him to sleep. I know he's close but he is not all the way there as I sit him on the bed with the towel underneath him.

"Let's get these off of you," I say with rare softness as I pry his hands from around my neck and curl my fingers around the hem of his tank top. His arms reach up as I pull the shirt above his head and reveal his beautiful chest. He then uses the rest of his energy up to lift himself up with his arms as I remove his boxers and leave him only clothed in the skin which I know he desperately wishes he could escape. Because I know he thinks that he his damaged goods. And I know he fears I will find him undesirable. This is confirmed when he looks up at me and searches for an expression he expects not to find. And how could I have that expression on now? How could I ever even think of touching a broken body in that manner. I kneel in front of him so I'm looking up at him.

"You belong to me, you know that right?"

"Yeah." He whispers, his voice cracking.

"And you know that I belong to you, right?"

He just nods this time, fighting tears.

"And since that is the most important thing, and that has in no way changed, then don't ever think for a minute that anything else has changed, okay?"

Through the chest sobs he manages to say an "Okay."

I then lean up to kiss the corner of his mouth, then his temple, followed by his forehead, and then finally his lips.

I then sit beside him and he scrambles to straddle me. I know what he wants but I cannot give it to him. I can't indulge in that with these thoughts running through my mind. I cannot do something so very precious while he's having these flashbacks. It may be selfish but I can't bear to face the regret I know would come afterwards. Even when he wraps his legs tighter around me and I can feel the warmth of his groin, naturally a higher temperature then the rest of him, press against me. A silent plea on his part, I can't bring myself to do it. So instead I fall onto my back, lying sideways on the bed, and allow him to lie on my stomach. And eventually he falls asleep. And as he does I hope that by tomorrow I will have more courage and he will have more confidence. And then at some point during the day, it could be first thing in th morning, or after work, or during our routine shower, or right before we fall asleep, we will both look at each other and have this mutual understanding that our connection has somehow grown all the more stronger.

**A/N Reviews are always lovely to have. Any ideas or prompts are also greatly welcomed. **


	6. My Only Constant

**Disclaimer: I do not own the story no the characters depicted here.**

**A/N: Something I very quickly wrote down because of a random but very strong inspiration that could not be ignored. **

I don't like change in my life. That is big reason why, in the beginning, I pushed Shuichi away. I had been so used to my lifestyle. So accustomed to being alone and being left to my own devices. So adapted to a way of living where sex and love were two separate aspects of my life and joining them was deemed impossible. But the brat changed all of that, obviously. Now, I could never dream of showing such intimacy towards another individual other then Shu. My body was the first to say, '_This boy is mine. I was the first _ever _to take him and I do not plan on giving him back.' _My heart then soon followed, saying, '_I don't know if what you're feeling is love, but I think it'd be a wise idea mister to stick around and find out.' _And finally, after all my defences malfunctioned and all my walls crumbled, my brain gave in with a heavy sigh and changed Shuichi's label from 'Sex Partner' to '_Life _Partner'.

So now I'm comfortable again. I'm used to Shuichi. Not just comfortable, but _comforted, _with his presence in my life.

And it seems I'm now even more afraid of things changing. Which is unfortunate. Because now things are guaranteed to change.

I look down at Shuichi now and I see a child. I may be only four years older then him but at the age of sixteen when my life was changed forever and my heart was forced to freeze over, my personality was also forced to fast-forward to full maturity and pause. Shuichi though, Shuichi is-

"…Just a kid." I whisper into his hair. It makes me sad though to know this will not last forever. Shuichi will one day, like myself, be _forced _to grow up. Hopefully for a different reason then my own, of course. But one day he might very well mature and not cry every day. There might come a day when Shuichi will have to start shaving his face regularly, or maybe he won't. There might be a day when Shuichi decides he doesn't want to sing anymore. He may think right now that that will never happen but who knows what he will think in ten, twenty years. Besides, eventually someone will have to take over for Tohma. I can see no reason why Shuichi would not be perfectly suited for such a position. He may eventually stop dying his hair and come home in suits instead off cross-dresser outfits after a day at work.

Or maybe, just maybe, he'll stay the same, Maybe he will stay the same and continue to perform in stripper outfits, and continue to sing is heart out, and continue to scream and cry when he doesn't get what he wants. Maybe he will stay the same until his body no longer allows it and he is ,what you would call old, and in which case will have to release a final album and then spend the rest of his life singing for me alone.

The future is wide open for the both of us. And even though my life seems set in stone I know it all depends on Shuichi and what he decides because despite everything I would honestly follow that boy anywhere.

Anything can change because everything else is a variable. The only set constant for the rest of my life is Shuichi.

The pair of golden bands on his finger is proof of that.

**A/N: Reviews, ideas, and prompts are always, _always, _welcomed and appreciated. **


	7. Everything

**Disclaimer: I do not own this story nor the characters depicted here.**

**A/N I went back and read Nothing Changes and this came to mind.**

**WARNING: The entire theme to this story is sex. **

My sex life with Shu has evolved a lot over the couple years we've been together. I can remember in the beginning, our first time was at his house. I didn't really care about anything except getting my fill of him. I didn't do anything to comfort him or to make sure he was satisfied. But he took it without any complaints until we were done. On his stomach, no lubricant, and with very little preparation. After we became a steady couple the lubricant had been used but that was simply because it was conveniently available in the drawer of the nightstand. Also because it kept him quiet. I used to hate talking while we fucked. I figured we weren't their to discuss, we were there to satisfy.

Everything changed after Aizawa. _Everything_.

And I allowed the change, at least for this certain aspect of our relationship. Because I knew Shuichi would never look at sex the same way again. So, I had to make sure what we did was precious and nothing like what he had to go through. So that way he would never have the torture of being reminded. Never have to compare.

Now, I always prepare him long after I know he's ready, like insurance, just to be sure. And I always use a position now where he can see my face and I never let him close his eyes.

Shuichi has also developed a fear of being on his back. He gets scared, scared of being trapped and unable to run. So now are most common position his him sitting on my lap. When both he and I are caught up in the heat of the moment I'll lay down fully on my back and he will half-way lay on top of me. This is actually nice because it means I don't have to do all the work. He has the ability to lift himself and then slam down in time with me thrusting my hips upward.

But when we are not blinded by pure and uncontrollable lust and we are in fact acting because of pure love, we take our time and will sometimes even exchange a few phrases which are mostly claims of adoration and commitment. He is in control when we do this. I am in control of lust. He is in control of love. We clash, yet create a perfect, otherwise unachievable, balance.

So during these rare moments I make sure everything I do shows him how much I truly care for him. Usually, after I have prepared him and myself I will sit, my back against the headboard, and hold out my arms for him. And as he enters them he will slowly lower himself and I will use my hands on his hips to navigate him. At first contact he'll look up and make eye contact with me. A question. Making sure this is still okay. That this is _all_ still okay. And as always, I will nod and then he'll look back and quickly impale himself. As my deep groan and his high pitched cry create a harmony I begin to massage Shu's lower back, trying to relax the muscles as I can feel their spasms around me. Once I feel him relax, with only a few expected tensions because of the intrusion I'll move one hand to his front where I will stroke him gently which gives him the signal to start rocking.

Once we are both comfortable. I'll him kiss and our moans will mingle and then as if he can somehow sense it right before I'm about to climax he'll play his trump card and whisper in my ear:

"I love you."

And then it becomes one of those rare times when Shuichi and I are in complete agreement.

**A/N: Reviews, ideas, prompts. Anything at all is good to me.**


	8. Never Question

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

**A/N : About the whole editing issue, for some reason I am unable to access the Beta Reader section of this site. So I do apolagize and hope you will all have patience with me despite how much I probably don't deserve it. Again, I thank everything single one of you for the reviews. I can assure you they are greatly loved. **

**On a different note, not sure I like this one... Hmmm.**

I know, that sometimes Shuichi wishes that he wasn't famous. He wishes he was normal because he can still remember what normal feels like. And I know, sometimes, he contemplates throwing it all away while he still is able to. Because very, _very _soon, I'd say probably after this next national tour of Japan Bad Luck is scheduled to do next month, after that, there will be no running from fame anymore. No matter what he chooses to do from then on he will still be in the spotlight. He is scared of fame not being fun anymore. He's scared of forgetting normal and then normal becoming the dream instead.

Sometimes I'll be sitting on the couch, reading a book while somewhere in the apartment Shu is doing _God knows _what. The radio will be on (because Shuichi hates the silence. It's something I've just recently learned about him, he's not loud because he wants to be, it's because he has to be.) and every once and awhile the annoyingly obnoxious woman on the radio will talk about some rumour or new scandal that he is involved in and Shu will quietly come running into my arms. I never understood why for the longest time.

I remember the first time this happened. It was directly after Shu and I had made our relationship publicly known. And of course, the news that famous (especially among middle aged women) romance novelist, Yuki Eiri was not only in a relationship with a famous (more so with teenage girls then middle aged women) pop star, but pop star Shindou Shuichi spread like wild fire. I can recall sitting exactly where I am sitting now, with Shuichi's head resting on my thigh, and listening to the radio. Which was odd because I usually hate the thing. I was waiting for them to mention us as I knew they would and sure enough they did. As soon as Shuichi's name was spoken he curled up, back facing the room, and buried his face in the crease between the back of the couch and my hip.

I looked down in surprise, feeling him trying to burrow his face even further, and placed my hand on his soft hair.

"Brat?" I asked in a concerned tone blanketed with amusement, "What are you doing?"

"Hiding."

"Obviously, but why?"

"I don't know."

I didn't press him. Because I remember the feeling. I remember the first dose of fame. I can remember the first scandal. Though not nearly to the same level as him. Not even close. And I can see the pressure that builds up on the tiny body. The whip lashed soul. I recognize and understand the need to block out all sight and just take a breather.

I know what it means to question your dreams.

But I also know what it means to trust yourself. And I believe that Shu is making the right decision. Because despite of all the baggage that follows, his smile is never bigger, his presence never more addicting, his life never more meaningful, then when that boy is on that stage.

I know what I am now, I've already questioned everything and figured it all out.

But Shuichi, he's just figuring it all out now. And I think he's just beginning to realize that he's chosen a life that once destined upon you it will forever be your title. He will forever be a singer and I believe that is what is best.

Because there is nothing, _nothing, _in this world my brat does better then singing.

Though his lyrics will forever suck.

**A/N: What do you guys think? I don't like it. Meh, I'll get over it, maybe delete it.  
>Haha, I actually wrote this other story on Shu and Yuki discussing children, proceeded to put it on this site...<strong>

**And then deleted it. Haha, not sure why. If anyone thinks they'd like to read it, tell me and I might bring it back on here. **


	9. Family

**Disclaimer: Same as before.**

**A/N: Not sure how I think about this, you'll have to tell me.**

It all started with a seemingly harmless conversation between me and Shu. I had been complaining about having to go see my father and he had asked why I didn't want to go see him, saying I never visited my family. That got me thinking and I replied:

"What about yourself? You haven't gone to see your family in _months._ At least me not seeing mine is normal but this has to be a record for you." I made it sound like I was just trying to shut him up, but honestly I was curious.

He looked up at me from where was sitting at the dining room table before looking back at his hands folded in front of him.

"They don't take us being together seriously." Shuichi said softly.

I sat down in a chair opposite of him.

"Why's it matter what they think?" I could sense this was a topic he had been trying to avoid discussing with me and now that he was, I wasn't going to ruin it by being an asshole. Otherwise he's never let me bring it up again.

"It's just that because of that, whenever I go up there my father always ends up talking about marriage and family. It's a little bit awkward." I watched Shuichi drum his fingers on the table, obviously remembering past times that this had happened.

"Here's how I see it." I started, "Gay marriage is illegal in Japan so that's out of our hands, right?"

Shuichi looked up, obviously curious about my unusually chatty attitude. "Right."

"So the next part is up to you. Do you want kids?" This had to be the most _awkward _conversation I had _ever _in my _life _had with Shuichi. And I was silently praying to any fucking holy figure available that he would say no. But I was not going to let Shuichi's father push him around. I understood exactly what he was going through. I got the exact same thing from my father. The only difference was that I am able to refuse him. Shuichi is far too nice for that.

I could see his eyes widen at my question into pure disbelief. Then I could almost hear the wheels turning in his brain as he thought about it. Obviously, when he got together with me, the possibility of children had been erased. But here I was, openly asking if this was something we might someday possibly consider. I know Shuichi gave up a lot of things living with me. The typical celebrity mansion, the unreasonable amount of cars, so I couldn't help but think maybe this is one thing that I might be willing to give him. I would not like it. No siree, Bob. I will not fucking like it. But I can't steal every childhood dream from him. There has to be some give and take.

I watched as he opened his mouth a few times, trying to speak, before the quiet words finally broke free.

"I think I might, but… I don't think I ever could."

"Why not?"

Shuichi reached over and took my hand, for the obvious support he needed before answering.

"I would absolutely love to have children, really I would. And to look at it head on it would be perfect." A small smile crept it's way onto his face, imagining, "We'd raise them together and you'd be home all day to watch them and then I'd be back home to take them off your hands. No doubt we have the money, the resources…" I watched as the frown returned, "But I'd be so afraid. So afraid because I chose this life Yuki. I chose to be in the spotlight. _Always _being watched by the entire country. But they wouldn't have a choice. They'd have this lifestyle whether they'd like it or not. And I'd be so afraid that they'd come to hate me because of that…"

Shuichi was being serious. And I knew he was right and there was nothing that could be done despite how much I wish there was. So instead I just nodded, knowing that there would be no convincing him otherwise. I'd never liked the idea of kids. Personally I don't really like them. But like everyone says. Once you have them you love them and I know I would be no different for me. And Shuichi was right, this life, _our life, _was no life for a child.

So I reached forward, and with my finger tipped his chin up to look at me.

"So where's that leave us?"

He answered me with a kiss. His tongue tracing my lips. I reached my hands out to cradle his face and the last thing I remember thinking before succumbing to him was realizing that we didn't need children to have a family. We were already a family on our own. And that thought brought me up short because I've never felt like I was apart of my own family. So I deepened the kiss with the comprehension that Shuichi was my family now. The only thought I have on that subject is:

_Lucky me..._

**A/N**

**Thank you for the _amazing _reviews every body. The make this all worth it. **


	10. A Predictable Explosion: Part 1

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

**A/N I actually really like this. Not a good sign? Probably. But here's the first of most likely two parts. Again please be patient with the editing. **

There hasn't been many times in my life where I've been rendered speechless. But this… This is definitely one of those few times.

Tohma has been very quiet about his resentment towards my and Shuichi's relationship. In a business sense, Shuichi and Tohma are very close. They have to be considerate of the fact that each of their _huge_ incomes depend on each other. Shuichi is Tohmas' prize money maker. But on a personal level the two share a deep animosity that until now had remained hidden.

I had told the brat that I would pick him up today (Okay, more like he begged and I agreed in order to save my sanity) and after waiting for five fucking minutes (I am not a patient man) I turned off my Mercedes and stormed into N-G. A part of me wanted to kill the idiot, I finally agreed to pick him up and he's late. Another part of me was worried, I finally agreed to pick him up and he's late, that's not right.

I knew exactly where to go. I'd never really been here to visit Shu before, but I'd met with Tohma loads of times. I figured it would be useless to walk in circles looking for the right recording room. So I went straight to the big man himself, my brother-in-law. I knew _exactly_ where Tohma was.

As I got closer my ears began to hear faint shouting. This was typical. Tohmas' office was often filled with yelling, drama Tohma usually caused himself. Then as the shouting got louder (Partly because I was getting closer, but mostly it was the actual volume raising) I heard a name that made me stop dead in my tracks. Shindou. What I heard next not only got me moving again but it made me start to jog, then just flat out run down the long hallway.

I heard a voice that I'd heard so many different versions of. Happy, scared, crying, serious, screaming, whispering, moaning, singing, etc. But now I heard something so foreign it took me a moment for my brain to recognize it and react. I heard Shuichi shouting. And not his usual cry for attention or shriek of frustration. No, this tone was angry. _Extremely _angry. He sounded threatening. It was a tone he had never used with me and I hoped he never would. Not because I was afraid though. Shuichi might be sounding strong, fuck for his size he actually is incredibly strong. But I know I'm stronger. I know that if I wanted to, I could easily rip him to pieces. And that there, _that_ is what scares me. No, I didn't want to hear this tone because I knew that if he were to ever use it with me, It'd be because I had done something unforgivable.

The voices were muffled. Somewhat because they were behind closed doors. Mostly because of my harsh breathing and pounding footsteps. But I could pick out a few words. One stood out more then the rest. A name. My name. Then suddenly my name was all over the place and all I could hear and I just knew that this was very bad. So as soon as the door was in arms reach I wrenched it open.

The two people in the room didn't stop fighting. In fact, they hadn't even noticed that I had entered the room.

"_EIRI DOESN'T NEED A SLUT LIKE YOU IN HIS LIFE!"_

My brat and his boss were standing about a foot apart, Tohma screaming. I could only see the back of Shuichi who was closet to me. But I had a fairly clear view of Tohma who was absolutely fuming. I could see his entire form shaking while Shu remained perfectly still.

I predicted what would happen next but it came so fast I had no time to make the words of warning pass by my lips before it happened. Because in a blink of an eye Tohmas' hand came out and whipped itself across Shuichis' right cheek, causing his head to fly to the left side and for him to lose his balance slightly.

As I watched Shu's right hand come up and rest upon his cheek, as I watched him take a step forward, as I myself took a step at the same time to throw myself at Tohma, as I opened my mouth to shout his name with my boiling words, I realized it was too late. All of this happened too slow. Far to slow. Because before I could attack Tohma for laying even a _finger _on what is rightfully mine, Shuichi beat me to it.

As all of these automatic reactions became born from my rage, I was also aware of Shuichi's left hand coming back, his fist clenching, and then faster then anything else in the room, whipping out and crushing itself into Tohmas' face.

Then for the second time in one day I found myself completely and utterly speechless.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed, Part 2 will be up soon. Reviews are cherished like you would never believe. I'll go back and read them sometimes when I feel discouraged. **


	11. A Predictable Explosion: Part 2

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

**A/N: And here is the second part. I'll get around to editing as soon as I can.**

I can remember my awe at seeing my Shuichi do anything even remotely violent. I can remember seeing Tohma flying backwards. Then like a slingshot, he shot forward. Then I did probably the worst thing I could have possibly done in this situation.

I yelled Shuichi's name.

I trust Shu completely. I would trust that boy with my life. But I don't trust his body. Not at all. Shuichi has the strongest personality I have ever seen, but his body is undeniably small and I don't trust it. I don't trust the body I worship to be able to protect the person that I love so much.

So I tried to warn it of the oncoming threat. Tried to demand that it not try and protect it's owners pride. Let me deal with it. Let me protect it. Let me do _my job. _But I should have let it go. Should have let the body protect itself. Because in the end it was Shu who suffered. It was him who never got to see the attack coming, him who was blindly punched in the jaw, him who dropped to the floor faster then any of us could react to…

But it was also _him_ who sprung to his feet and surprised us all with the obvious intention of a follow-up attack. He met my eyes for a second and I could finally see the uncertainty. How unsure he was as to how this was going to end. All he knew was what he was going to do next. That was evident in the way Shu twisted his upper body back towards Tohma with predator like movement and speed.

_I can't let him fight. Shuichi is not a fighter. Shuichi should never have to fight. _

So I finally found my feet and lurched forward, wrapping my hands around his waist, putting my lips to his ear. I whispered harshly but gently.

"Stop. _Now._"

My brat is never one to listen though. He pulls against my brace, attempting to run at a now smirking Tohma.

"Like _fucking hell!" _He screeched.

I am not sure if it was the fury or the instinct of every man to fight or just simply adrenaline, but somehow he was able to escape my hold. And when he did I knew that it was best I not interfere. I could see that Tohma expected Shuichi to listen to me, for me to be able to hold him down. So when Shu hurdled his entire body at the man, backing him up into the wall. Tohma had no time to think when Shuichi ferally back handed him across the face before dealing the bastard an equally agonizing punch to the opposite side of his face that he had punched before.

My idiot seemed to think he had done enough (though I didn't agree in the slightest), as he stood up straight and watched as Tohma struggled on the ground to regain his breath and his dignity.

I walked forward and placed a hand on his shoulder and he looked up at me. He looked confused but proud and I couldn't blame him. The brat had done what I had wished on so many _endless _occasions to do. But there was one more thing I had to clear up.

"How'd it start, brat?"

"How'd what start?"

"The fight."

"Oh… Tohma said you were stupid for being with someone like me…"

"Since when has something he said about you ever made you _this_ mad?"

"What? …Wait, no… I didn't get mad at him for _that_. I got mad at him because he called you stupid."

**A/N: Reviews? -smile-**


	12. Wanted Habit

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

**A/N: **

**I decided to challenge myself and strive to write a drabble under 300 words.**

**Here's the result:**

I have developed a habit. I am not sure when I started doing this. Nor do I intend to ever stop. But I have this habit of every morning, as soon as I wake up, reaching over and checking if Shuichi is breathing. I think it probably evolved from when I would wake up and I feel his side of the bed simply to know if he had gone to work yet or not. It would give a rough estimate of the time. Ever since our relationship became steady I have been doing this same action. It's just the change of motivations that I can't put a time frame on.

Our sleeping position is a delicate art but I think we've near hit perfection lately. I still like to sleep on my stomach, and Shuichi still likes to sleep as close to me as possible. And I'll admit (though never to his face) that I prefer to have him close. So now, I'll lay down first, and once on my stomach I'll lift up my arm which he gladly crawls under. He'll also lay on his stomach but more curled up while I'm more spread out. Shuichi will have his head right at my chest and he'll wedge not only his face, but his entire body under me as far as I'll let him. Then I'll drape my arm around his shoulders and we'll both fall asleep.

So when I wake up first (which only ever happens if he's not working) I'll place my hand over his enclosed lungs and hold my own breath until I can feel his.

Shuichi still doesn't know that I do this.


	13. Animalism

**A/N: Hey, I added this story earlier but then decided to delete it. I wasn't satisfied with it. So I fixed it up and I am now happy. (:**

Shuichi quickly tore himself from my otherwise permanent hold on him as he startled me with a screech of pure annoyance and frustration, followed by an _"I hate you!" _When he felt my grip loosen, even if only the slightest, his tiny, innocent, virgin to violence hands shoved _hard _against my chest. This allowed him enough space to turn around and throw his entire body weight at my interlocked hands that were creating a barrier around him. Keeping him from escaping. I felt my fingers slipping, used to being able to hold him now shocked as the muscles' were put to work. So instead of waiting for him to break free, I purposely let him go, causing the momentum he had built up to betray him and send him flying forwards towards the wall.

I took three quick steps towards him and grabbed his shoulder; spinning him around. His eyes switched from surprise to anger so fast it could have caused his poor little features whiplash. I took advantage of the close distance to the wall and, grabbing both his forearms, shoved his back ruthlessly against it. He fought and fought and fought against my grip but in the end it was absolute, I was going to win. He did though, in one last final attempt, lean his head forward and bite my hand. But I just kept my hold on his arm tight and pulled away harshly, letting out a loud _"Fuck!"_

He seemed to be trying to hold back a smirk after his little stunt but I made that disappear as quickly as it came by pulling him forward then slamming him back brutally.

"What the fuck, you damn brat?"

He just stared at me, his eyes showing nothing but an echoing anger reflecting my own.

He decided to flipped out again, scaring me more then anything which was the point I suppose, screaming and thrashing. He screamed and screamed but it didn't bother me. It was when the sobs started that it bothered me. Though I could sense they were frustrated sobs they still bothered me. So much so, that I reacted with much more violence then intended. A force I knew I could easily take. A force that I had used on so many others. A force that I forgot is too much for his slim frame to handle.

My hands released his hands, so quickly he still held them up, and moved to dig into his collarbone, then with one hard thrust and slammed his entire upper body into the wall with more force then ever.

A deafening crack bounced through the house as the back of his head hammered into the drywall.

A cry of what could only of been pure pain and distress followed. The sound awoke something in me, awoke some inner voice made to protect and never injure, but either way it made me snap out of my fury. I watched as his violet eyes rolled back into his skull then come back with a look on entirely different then before. A question was written across then lens. It said: _Can you explain to me as to why you're hurting me? Because I'm confused and can't seem to find the answer on my own. Maybe you can help me out a little. What do you say?_

Before I had any sense as to what I was doing my hands moved from their clasp on his body and continued down until they could wrap around his rib cage and pull him into a possessive embrace. Shuichi didn't return the embrace at first, his hands resting on my shoulders. But eventually he too succumbed to animalism we both had been born with specifically for each other, and wrapped his arms around my neck.

My lips were suddenly smacking against his neck, my tongue tracing his jaw line, before my teeth bit down on his neck as I instinctively felt the need to show everyone that this body here and the soul residing within it are mine. His cry of pain now was not like before, it was laced with lust and a driving passion.

Once I was done again claiming what is mine I moved my lips to his ear and after kissing the back of the lobe I whispered an "I'm sorry."

I heard a faint and self-conscious "Me too."

I can feel him starting to go limp in my arms, his exhaustion catching up with our fast moving pace. Instead of holding him up, I let gravity win, and slowly let us slide to the floor. I lean back and lie down, pulling his hurting body closer, letting him sprawl across my chest. When Shu's little face has once again became peaceful and just when I think I'll be sitting here for awhile because I know I'm far from sleep myself, Shuichi suddenly becomes more alert. Drowsily alert, but enough that he moves up further to lock his lips to mine. Gently and forgiving.

Soon, though not soon enough, I can feel him pocking against my stomach and I know he can feel me against his thigh. And just before we spend a luxurious night fucking in this very spot and quite possibly waking up on the kitchen floor on the other side of the apartment, a pile of sweat, semen, and flesh, our limbs irreversibly tangled, I think back and try to remember what in the world caused us to start the hellish fight. But I'm dubious to the fact that I am to blame.

But before I can think it through I'm abruptly busy and cannot find an answer.

**A/N Reviews… Please?**


	14. Unsaid Feelings

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N These are three short under 150 word drabbles. Just a writing excersice I did that I figured I'd better share here.**

**Also, just a quick thank you to my awesome readers, you keep the inspiration flowing. **

I kissed his left cheek with incredible care. The switched and pressed my lips to his right cheek. Then my forehead pressed against his as I though a soft _Be careful._ I stood an inch taller before completing the ritual with a last kiss to his temple. I snapped out of the reverie by ruffling his hair and adding "Brat."

I watched as he went through the gate, then took a seat as I waited for his plane to take off.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

I slapped my hand across his unsuspecting cheek. Watched as his head shot to the side. I felt absolutely no remorse, _absolutely none, _as he looked towards me with a baffled expression and tears forming in his eyes. The same hand that committed the unapologetic deed shoved itself in his face, pointing an angry finger.

"Don't you ever say that again." I whispered hoarsely. My emotions finally starting to show.

"Don't you ever say you're worthless _ever _again! Do you here me?"

Shuichi simply nodded.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Hey brat, how're you feeling?"

Over the phone line I could hear the shifting of weight and the rustle of hospital sheets.

"Better." He said that but I could hear him holding back multiple coughs.

"The one time you get pneumonia and it's when I'm away… I could make an ironic comment about the title of your band but you'd just think I was being a smartass making a bad pun."

I heard him giggle and it made me happy and sad all at the same time.

The sadness took over when I heard Hiro walk in and heard the chair squeak as he sat down and I wished that I was the one sitting there instead of in America on tour.

**A/N You know the drill. -smile-**


	15. Reflexes

**Disclaimer: Same as always. **

**A/N: I like this. Sorry about the editing. Stupid Beta-Reader still not working. **

"_Please, _Yuki?"

I refuse to look Shuichi in the eye. Because I know for a fact that's he's giving me that look. That look that he has learned I cannot resist. Not ever. I just can't say no when he opens his violet eyes so wide they glisten. When his mouth parts just the slightest bit as he pouts and I have to hold myself back from kissing those intensely unnatural pink lips.

I was just about to give into him like always but some strange malfunction in my brain forced me to stay in control. But doing this also makes me feel criminal. My brat is just tired and all he wants is for me to stop typing and take him to bed so he can sleep.

Before, I'd just send him off to bed alone but either one of two thing would always happen.

One; he'd just go sleep on the couch. Even though we've been together for awhile now, and I've accepted him as my partner, he still considers the bed _my _bed, not _our _bed. Even though I've told him over and over that it is _our _bed. I've told him that he can go in there and sleep whenever he needs. But he can't do it. The old rule of not being allowed, the memories of being ruthlessly kicked out, those teachings are irreversible and rooted too deep to delve for.

Second option; he'd have nightmares of my incubus Aizawa or maybe just Tohma. Shuichi is very intimidated by my brother-in-law. I think this is because he thinks Tohma can take away everything. Both myself and his job. Although only the latter is true. There was one time I _forced_ him to go to bed. _Bed, _not the sofa, without me. I walked him in, pulled the covers over him, told him a quick goodnight, then left to go back to work. Well that turned out to have been the worst fucking decision ever. Because not even five minutes later I was hurrying back into the room after hearing him shrieking and thrashing in pain caused by being in the aggressively capable clutches of a nightmare

Despite what my actions may say otherwise, I am _obviously _protective of Shuichi and that has made me want to kill _anyone_ who makes his smile falter even the fraction of an inch. And with those feelings how can I possibly want to make him sad myself?

So without looking at him I murmur "Fine." and stand up. He holds back a cry of joy but is unable to rein in a huge grin the creeps its way up onto his blushing cheeks. I roll my eyes to keep up with normal routine and start down the familiar hallway. He keeps behind me, pattering along quietly while keeping a petite hand latched onto the back of my shirt.

As I open the door to our room I turn around and like a parent telling a child, I give him a slight push towards our shared bathroom and mumble a "Go brush your teeth, brat" He looks shyly back over his shoulder as he walks and I motion for him to keep on going. Once I hear the door latch I walk over to the bed and turn down the cold sheets.

Shuichi soon comes back and has eyes clouded with wavering trust as he takes in the sight of me sitting on his side of the bed. It's as if he thinks as soon as he's tucked in I'll leave him all alone. I feel as though I've said enough words for one day, so I just give him an impatient look and pat the spot on the mattress beside me with my hand. He walks swiftly around the bed and sits down slowly. I raise an eyebrow and since he's a little slow it takes him a moment but at last he starts stripping down into nothing and it makes me happy that the clothes are no longer covering up the flesh which I have every reason to adore.

So as always when we're alone and I have no place to hide I'm quick to pull him into my lap then turn and throw him on the mattress. He shoots a glare at me, wearing a cute look of bewilderment, but I just chuckle which makes him smile. His bliss continues and gets all the more real as I crawl over his body, being careful not to put too much weight on his slim frame, and take my place next to him. Right where I belong.

I flop onto my stomach and turn my head to face him. He stays on his back, seemingly not quite ready for sleep anymore. He reaches over and I close my eyes before feeling the velvety touch of his fingertips across my cheeks.

"I'm tired." Shu whispers, his hand falling from my face.

"Then sleep." I rebuked. Harsher then I'd intended but Shu was used to it so he didn't even flinch.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" He sounded casual…

_Did I hear some underlying real fear in his voice though?_

"I hope not." The answer came like a reflex, I didn't mean it to-

_I know for a fact I didn't imagine that sigh of annoyance at me giving the expected answer, or the downcast of his eyes. _

So I gave in, taking a shaky breath, and reworded my answer.

"Of course I will be, idiot"

He mumbled an "Okay." and I knew he was thinking.

After a few minutes of silence and I became afraid he'd fall asleep somewhere other then in my arms I snapped him out of it by lifting my arm and snapped at him with forced irritation.

"Get over here, you damned brat."

He looks up at me and I smirk at him to show that it's all alright and Shuichi at last settles into my arms for the night.

**A/N: No matter what, I'm always grateful to have you guys. **


	16. It's Ingrained

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

**A/N: I might continue this actually. You tell me. Or maybe it's better as a one-shot. I don't know... Ugh. **

**Editing soon. I _hate_ mistakes. Fucking Beta-Reader. **

**NEW PEN NAME: My new pen name is Lorne Marie. **

"You're awfully quiet, brat." Shu had just got home and he had yet to speak a word.

Shu just simply looked up at me, shook his head, and pointed to his throat.

"Sore throat?" I inquired. He nodded with a sad smile.

I let my gaze fall upon the window where outside a snow storm pounded against the glass. The power had gone off in the apartment building about an hour ago, proving just how big this storm was going to be. I called Shu, telling him to stay home because I didn't want to have to come with my car and get him when he got himself hopelessly lost. Honestly (though I'd never admit it), it was because I didn't want him to get cold on the way home because I knew he wasn't going to be able to warm up in here with the heat gone and he'd be complaining and there'd be nothing I could do about it. I don't like not being able to help him when he needs it. But Shuichi being the stubborn dumb ass he is ignored me and came anyway. Typical.

"You're not sick, are you?" _Oh please, God no. He's such a pain in the ass when he's sick…_

Shuichi shook his head. _Thank God. _A smirk spread across his face as he read my relief.

I ignored him. "From singing?"

He nodded, his smirk disappearing.

Shuichi had a concert this weekend so I guess he was a little uneasy. I mean, not being able to sing in general put him on edge. At first I didn't understand it. That was until he turned around and asked me: "What would you do if you couldn't write?" I was a little startled and answered "I'd have to find a new job." But as I though about it more I realized I was not sure what I would do. When I'm angry, confused, anxious, depressed, or anything I write. And that was the same with Shuichi and his singing, I suppose.

I snapped out of it when I heard a faint chattering, I looked up to see it was his teeth. The poor things clothes were covered in snow but when he took them off he didn't get any warmer. He was confused and debating between keeping his coat on or taking it off. I was cold too but the one way I knew how to keep warm required him and I had been betting on being alone tonight.

"Take it off." I said abruptly, he looked at me curiously but took his coat off.

I turned towards the bedroom and threw over my shoulder: "All of it."

I tore our comforter off the bed and grabbed my pillow. Then much quicker the usual I stripped down to nothing, feeling the goose bumps from the unbearable cold raising all over my body. When I walked back in I could tell he had been expecting me to walk in with some warm pyjamas for him and his eyes widened when he took in my naked form which matched his. Barely visible though, in the nonexistent light.

"We'll both be warmer this way." I provided some insight.

He nodded. I could tell he was hesitant but I know he trusts me.

I walked over to the couch and threw the pillow down and wrapped the blanket around myself, sitting down.

"Get over here, idiot."

He scrambled over and wrapped both his tiny legs around my muscled thigh and his arms around my chest, burying his face in my stomach. His cold toes pressed against my calves and his cold nose against my navel.

I heard him whisper a faint, hoarse "I love you." and I cringed. I can't handle to much intimacy. I can't give him as much as his small, still maturing, attention craving body needs. And for that I feel terrible. I'm starving him. He's slowly fading and whittling away and soon he'll be nothing the longer I keep this up. But I just can't cave in yet. I pray he breaks me before I kill him. I hope he cracks me open and lets it all pour out before I suffocate him. But he has to do it otherwise I will never change and his survival instincts will kick in and he'll leave me. He's close though. I can feel the words being thrown up into my throat, choking me. Sometimes I can feel them crawl up my tongue and I have to force them down. I almost slip up this time. _Almost. _

Instead I leaned down and put my mouth atop his crown and whispered back.

"Hush… I know. Trust me, I know. So don't talk or you'll hurt your voice even more."

He looked up at me and…scowled? _He's playing this tug-of-war just as hard as I am. _

And he thinks- no. He _knows_ he's going to win.

And what's funny? I don't doubt him in the slightest.

Because he's already changed me so dramatically and Shuichi isn't one to give up until the job is done.

I'll be fighting him until the very end, I'll tell you that. I have to. It's ingrained in myself. It's ingrained in myself to resist.

But it's also ingrained in Shu to _win. _


	17. Time Is Up

_**A/N: MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK!**_

_**So, I've been trying to write and everything turns out like crap. I wrote this idea down and am thinking it might not be too bad. So tell me your opinions on the scenario, any ideas would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for everything. **_

I'm proud of him. I don't think I've ever been as proud of him as I am right now. Shuichi has finally made a decision all on is own. Without approval from me. Well, at first he came to me. Asking me what I thought he should do. What I thought was _best. _I told him that this was something I could not help him with. This was a choice that he had to make all on his own. I wanted to intervene. He's just a child. I was angry that he even had to make it. But nobody else could do this for him.

So yesterday, Shuichi came home and proceeded to tell me that he had accepted XMR's offer of a recording contract in America.

I guess our time is up.


	18. Still Friends?

**A/N: Sort of a continuation of my last story. **

**Working on a short story for school so not much time but I threw this together and actually really like it.**

"I'll see you soon?"

I tried to sound annoyed to try and hide my emotions when I retorted, "Of course, brat."

He looked up at me almost as if he saw right through me. He knew exactly what I was feeling and I knew he did. He knew everything and I could see the guilt in his eyes… But I could also read the underlying relief and I knew he could see mine as well. This was right for the both of us. We'd learned from each other and I'll always care for him but now it was time.

My Shu- no, Shu suddenly embraced me. His little arms holding so tight, as tight as he could muster up and his face burying itself in my chest.

He let go and turned away. But after only a few steps he looked back.

"Still friends?" He asked. The question was so innocent it made me sigh with sadness. _He's ready. And he taught me something I never thought anybody ever could teach me; he taught me how to calm down and breathe again._

I then pretended to think about it and contently answered: "Still friends."

**A/N: Next drabble I'm doing is going to be in Shuichi's point of view. I'm going to give it a try. **


	19. Shuichi's Drabbles

**A/N: 3 drabbles all from Shuichi's POV. **

**This one is sort of an epilogue of the past two drabbles. **

**Shuichi's POV:**

He looks different. A good different. He should be almost, if not, thirty-four now. That's crazy.

Then again I'm thirty myself. And yet when he speaks those few words that create such a wonderfully worded awkward question I still have to hold myself back from tackling him. From screaming and claiming love which would be untrue but may soon be renewed.

But I can't help from smiling like a complete idiot though. Not when I hear what I desperately was wishing to hear but not at all expecting. Not when he places his hands on my shoulders, not when he leans down and kisses my temple then whispers in a voice I've missed so very much:

"So… You want to give us another try?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Okay great, just _great. _Very funny Yuki. Haha. I know you can be an asshole. Oh boy, do I ever know that. But I also know that you like it when I'm happy because I do not whine (At least that's what you say). So how can you not be here? How could you? Not even just say, but _promise _thatyou'd be here and then just go out and bail out on me as per usual? Don't you realize how important this is? Don't you realize that this concert is the highest point in my singing career I've ever been _ever_? …Don't you know that I _really_wanted to share this with you?

Of course you don't.

I look down and away from the anxious crowd. I can't let them see this sad expression. I can't disappoint the band. Our whole team. I can't disappoint the fans. Not because of Yuki. Not because of an asshole. No matter how much I may love him.

So I begin singing Abracadabra. We start with our less popular songs. We'll be ending with Rage Beat. Then Blind Game Again as our encore. I always loved dancing to this song, to every song. So it takes a second. With the crowd demanding I give them my full attention and my body doing it more then willingly. I just love them all. They never fail to make me smile. It takes a second for me look towards backstage where I will usually see K or Ryuichi standing off to the side watching me.

But when I look over this time, look to see who is my support. Gold fills my vision.

And I realize I didn't even think of looking for Yuki backstage.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Can I have one of those?"

I'm a pretty good kid, I think.

I don't swear… A lot.

I don't really drink… A lot.

I don't get into fights… Very much.

So I can't see why it'd be that big of a deal for me to try. I mean, why the hell not?

Yuki looks over at me like I have three heads, exhales some smoke.

"Why would you want to have a cigarette?" He inquires.

I roll my eyes, isn't it obvious? "Because I want to try one."

"No."

"Why not? I'm old enough." I sound whiny, that won't help.

"That's not the problem."

"Then what is?"

He looks away and I think for a moment that he's not going to answer me when he finally says, "Your lyrics are bad enough. Your voice is the only thing you got going for you. I't be stupid for you to ruin that too."

I don't respond and just sit there and smile at him knowing that that was Yuki's subtle way of protecting me.

He rolls his eyes and I go back to eating pocky and we both continue on with our day.

**A/N : If you think any of these would make a good full lengh short story, let me know.**

**If not, then I'll have a new story up soon and again I thank you all. (:**


	20. I Found You

**A/N: A completely meaningless story. Just a random moment. **

**I actually hate this.**

**WARNING: LEMON NEAR THE END**

**Yuki's POV:**

"Why's does it got to be so goddamned dark? I can't fucking see _shit…_"

My stupid meeting had gone on three hours overdue and I got stuck in traffic for another three. So here I am, getting home at 3am, I'm trying to take my tie and shoes off at the exact same time and it's dark as anything. On top of all that Shuichi had just gotten home _really _late the night before from a tour and had been sleeping all day today, so I had been trying to get home early not wanting him to wake up without me there. He'd go into a panic attack otherwise.

"Yuki…" I heard his voice even through my struggle. He crawls out of the night. His little bare feet can barely be heard on the cold hardwood floor. His pink hair is soft, and dry though obviously freshly washed. And all he wears to cover himself is one of my shirts. So many sizes too big that it drops to mid-thigh on him. The sleeves hanging almost a foot past his fingertips.

I stood up straight and began unbuttoning my shirt. His eyes locked on my fingers.

"What's up, brat?" I keep eyeballing my shirt on his small body, trying to look suspicious which is hard because of how utterly adorable he looks swimming in my clothes.

"I couldn't find you." He says this in a whisper, his sleeve engulfed hand coming up to cover his mouth in self-consciousness.

Damn it. I was hoping I had just woken him up from all the noise.

"How long have you been up?"

"Not long…"

I threw my shirt to the ground and undid the button on my slacks, struggling to keep eye contact with him.

"Aren't you cold?" It was the first question I could come up with to break the silence and I'll admit I was _slightly _curious.

He nodded. I sighed.

I walked on past him, knowing he's follow. He did.

I wanted to go out onto the balcony. To wake myself up, though not in the way you may think... Shuichi would never let me fall asleep anyways.

I turned around once I walked through the doors and my feet touched the cold wood and the scenery that was Tokyo met my eyes. Shuichi gave me a questioning look.

I quickly put a forceful arm around his waist and pulled him to me. Our lips crushed together and our mouths devoured. My tongue plunged into his mouth and explored while my hands quickly began working with a mind of their own. I kept a hand on the base of his skull while the other had little issues slipping under the unusually baggy shirt and running up his thigh to caress his ass. He caught up with my intentions almost immediately and shivered, moaning into my mouth. I felt his little hand move to the front of my pants and begin to slip down which caused me to moan right back all the more loudly. I turned us around and pinned him to the metal bars.

"Do you trust me?" I whispered against his lips.

"Yes." He gasped with increasing passion.

Suddenly I picked him up and sat him on the edge of the rail. His legs wrapped around my waist and I could feel the growing hardness of him. My left arm kept a _very _firmhold around him while the other impatiently went down to Shuichi's obvious desire, grasping it and feeling the pre-cum oozing. Both sets of Shu's nimble fingers were working to set me free and when he did we connected down their, our tips barely touching.

Later I would find out that it probably would have been better to take us both inside. Later, I would have realized that maybe fucking him senseless on the balcony probably wasn't the best idea.

But for now I couldn't honestly care less.

**A/N:**

**For those of you who read regularly, you might be able to understand why I hate this. I just **_**really **_**do. Ugh. But I took so long to write it that I figure I'll post it and see if you can all prove me wrong like you guys usually do. And that's why I love you all. So thank you, thank you. And tell me what you think, even if you agree with me. **


	21. Weight Loss: Part 1

**A/N: Well hello, I'm starting a new 2, maybe 3 part story. So here's the beginning and I hope you enjoy.**

Umm… Yuki, come here."

I didn't like that tone. Not one bit. I almost blew him off and I would have. If he didn't have that hint of fear in his tone. If there is one thing in this world I cannot stand is Shu being scared. I can't _stand _it. So I have to fix it. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be a hard-ass about it.

"What do you want, brat?"

"I need your help" There was no going back now, not when he asks like that. I followed his voice into the bathroom and what I saw was not what I expected. He stood there in nothing but his signature blue boxers on our rarely used scale. I have never used the thing and I've never seen Shuichi use it so I'm not sure what triggered it except that he must expect something. But still, it made me think that he must be afraid he's gaining weight. He sure as hell didn't look it so I chuckled and he shot be a dark look.

"Eating too much pocky?" I teased. He didn't say anything, he just looked back at the reading. That scared me.

"Just come here." He said. So I did.

His little hand pointed towards the numbers and my eyes followed.

45kg

Even I thought that was low, doesn't matter how small he is. He's still a man, and a well built one at that. At least he used to be… "How much do you usually weight?"

"51." He chocked.

"That's impossible…" I breathed. "Did you-"

"Yes. I've stepped on and off of it a hundred times and changed the batteries more then once."

I put my hand on his back and he stepped off, making the needle fling back to zero.

"You have to go to the doctor, brat."

"No, I'm fine." He defended, stepping away and breaking the contact I silently craved.

"Shuichi. I'm not that big myself and I weigh 74."

"Yuki, I'm _fine._" He tried to walk away this time but I grabbed his wrist.

I kissed him.

He melted against me and I knew that doing this is the only was I can convey my feelings for him.

"What's wrong?" With our mouth still attached, his lips moved with mine when I spoke.

"It's nothing." He took the lead now, standing on his toes in an attempt to overpower me but its useless. I could fling him across the room with one arm if I so wished and he knew it. He did nothing with getting my approval in some way because there's always that fear. He's scared of me and I'm working day by day to erase it.

He head towards the bedroom but I can't quite enjoy it, not with all this worry in the pit of my stomach. Not when my brat's health is at stake. A challenge I've never been faced with before.

**A/N: Reviews? (:**


	22. Weight Loss: Part 2

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: Pardon the shortness, explanation at the bottom. **

"So when was the last time you checked?"

"Last week."

"Last _week?_" I gasped. That couldn't be right.

"Remember I had that doctors appointment last week? They weighed me then."

"Fuck." I mumbled. I saw his eyes widen. _Shit, I'm scaring him. _"Come here."

He bit is bottom lip and shuffled towards me as I sat on our bed and I opened my arms for him. He leaned against me and I rested my face on his stomach. Now that I had a reason to notice it, he did look smaller. If that's even _possible. _He did used to have the indents of abs starting, but now it was just flat. He also used to have a muscled chest, but now his ribs are beginning to tear there way through.

"You're not scared, are you, brat?" I asked looking up at him. I know _I_ would be. But he should know I'd never let anything happen to him.

She shook his head in a very unconvincing manner so I ignored him.

"Don't be. If something ever happened to you my routine would be all screwed up."

He smiled.

"You hungry?" I asked. I figured the most common sense way to fix this would be for him to simply eat.

"_Starving_." He answered really quickly and dramatically. That gave me a thought that made the pit of my stomcach turn and twist.

"When's the last time you ate?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

It worried me to know end that he had to think about it.

"Why haven't you been eating?" I inquired, getting slightly angry.

"I never have time at work and I've been getting home so late." Now he looked worried.

It's true though. For the past few weeks we've both gotten barely any sleep because Shuichi is gone when I wake up and doesn't get back till very late in the evening.

"I'm fucking calling Tohma." I stormed past Shuichi.

"_No!" _He yelled after me. I turned around._ "…_Don't."

"Why the hell not?" I said a little too harshly.

We started at each other for a long time before he finally sighed and opened his mouth to answer me.

**A/N: I know, I know this is **_**really **_**short but I'm going on a school trip for a few days so I figured I'd give you guys a little teaser chapter. Anyway, y'all know the drill. (:**


	23. Weight Loss: Part 3

**Disclaimer: Same as always.**

**A/N: I'm **_**baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. (:**_

**Here's the last part. **

Tuesday, June 17, 1997 5:03pm

"Well? _Say something!"_ I shouted.

"I- I don-" He stuttered.

"Shuichi." I was getting frustrated. Not with him _exactly. _But with the fact that there was something he was scared to tell me.

"It's not Tohma fault." He finally sighed, reluctant to tell me. But he can never keep anything from me.

"Then what _is_ it?" I asked, much softer this time.

"Okay, well. I heard Tohma talking about how if we don't get this deadline done -because we miss them a lot- then he might have to reconsider how reliable we are as a band." He was almost shouting now. "So that got me super worried so that's why I've been putting in so many extra hours and I guess I wasn't… paying attention."

I could only stare for awhile before my mouth could move again.

"…You're damn right you weren't _paying attention!_ To your own _health, _Shu!"

"I'm sorry." His voice got very quiet again.

"Don't." I was beyond furious with him. "Just don't." I turned my back to him and put a hand on the nearest wall. "Fuck."

I heard a sniffle come from behind me and by instinct or reflexes I whirled around. He was looking down at himself and poking at his stomach. Maybe trying to understand why I was reacting the way I was.

He chocked on a sob. "I'm sorry." He said it louder this time to be heard.

I couldn't answer him. I couldn't remember being this angry in _so_ long. I could almost sob myself I was just so enraged. So I turned around on my heal, walked with in increasing urgency to the front door, opened it, walked out, and slammed it with as much force as I could muster.

Shuichi didn't even have a chance to try and stop me.

Tuesday, June 17, 1997 6:16pm

I'll admit it. I will. I'll admit that after I drove around for an hour I felt extremely guilty. But I had things to take care of, people to see. Before I could go back to where I knew Shuichi was waiting for me to return with extreme anxiety.

Wednesday, June 18, 1997 12:06am

When I arrived back I had to take a deep breath outside the door. Even just the sight of the apartment was starting to make the anger return, but I had to remind myself that I was not angry with him. No. Not anymore.

So I turned to door knob and swung it open.

The place was dark. But I could see a faint light illuminating from down the hall. I followed it and found the source coming form the bathroom. The door was open and peaking my head in I saw Shu sitting next to the scale.

"Hey." I whispered but he jumped anyway. His little face looked up and I could see the lost trails of tears going down his face.

I wanted to start speaking before I lost my train of thought in those huge violet eyes.

"I talked -no. More like _yelled _at Tohma and told him that you needed some time off. But after some further discussion we both realized that even if we told you that you wouldn't want the time off because you are a workaholic so we just got it all cleared up that you're going to have shorter hours for the next few weeks." _I think I said more there to him then I have over our entire relationship._

His face relaxed though. "Thank you, Yuki. And I am… sorry."

"I know, kiddo." My expression remained solemn.

"Smile." He ordered.

I flashed my irritated look at him and he laughed at the irony, I guess. But I knew from this that the fight was over and that the tension was gone.

He stood up slowly and walked over to me. I didn't want to make eye contact but he forced me to with his little hand on my cheek, guiding my eyes down to his level.

"Smile, please?" He asked again.

I'm not sure if it was the look or the moment of the way his fingers felt on my cheek but I couldn't help the corners of my mouth from turning up.

"There." He beamed. "Not so hard, huh?"

"How is it that you always get your way?" I wanted to know.

"Because you can never say no to me." Shuichi answered with complete confidence.

"Watch it brat." I can never take too much of the truth.

**A/N: Not bad, I think. I have tons of new ideas so get ready for some more of my usual fluff and angst.**


	24. When The World Comes Crashing Down

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: A quick Yuki drabble. Meh. **

Something isn't right. I can feel it and I don't like it. I tried calling Shuichi's cell and it went straight to voicemail. I tried calling multiple times. Then I got thinking about how embarrassing it's going to be when the brat see's all the missed calls from me only to find out it was because I was worried. I even considered calling Nakano but there was no way I was going to do that. Not a chance in the world. I tried Tohma's number. Actually I've been trying his for awhile but the line is always busy. Now I'm thinking of trying my sister. Debating the pros and cons. That is until the phone rings and I seem to jump ten feet in the air. Wow, I didn't notice how tense I was. I need to calm down. It's probably just Shuichi being frantic after checking his phone. Probably thinks I'm dying or something. So I pick up the phone without checking the caller ID.

I don't get a chance to even speak though. "Eiri?" It's Tohma. Unexpected but helpful.

"Yes. Tohma where's the brat?"

He seems to catch his breath at my question then clears his throat.

"That's what I'm calling about. Eiri, I am so, _so _sorry but Shuichi was shot this morning. They say the act was conducted by a homophobic group. It wasn't a random act."

I suddenly couldn't see straight anymore. The pit of my stomach was twisting and making convulsions. My brain was suddenly questioning everything and I couldn't stand on my own. Without any leverage near I sank to the floor.

"Where is he?" I whispered. Not wanting to hear the answer to my own question.

"He was pronounced dead at the scene."

My world suddenly came crashing in from all around me.

The only thing I could manage to whisper back to my brother-in-law was: "What am I going to do now?"

**A/N: Well that was depressing.**


	25. Jealousy

**Discalimer: Same.**

**A/N Love this one. (:**

"I think it should be a rule that if you can't lift your own suitcase then it's _too_ big." I complained as I pulled the brats luggage onto the bed with a seemingly incredible amount of force.

"Yeah, but sense my partner _is _able to lift it then that other rule is completely cancelled out." Shuichi countered.

"What are you going to do when I'm not here?" I annoyingly inquired.

"You're never not going to be here." He said almost like he was saying "duh".

I could only roll my eyes at his ability to read me.

"What do you have in here anyway?" I asked.

"Well, all my clothes plus my stage clothes as well."

"Lately I'm not seeing much of a difference between the two." I accused. It was true though. Lately he's been wearing sparkly shirts with his sweats, or sometimes really, _really _tight pants. Not that I was complaining but it did draw a lot of attention.

"That's because I _can _in America Yuki. In Japan if I walked around like that I'd be recognized way to easily, more easily then I already am. But here pretty much nobody knows who I am so I can get away with it."

So he was a cross-dresser by nature? It wasn't just for the fans? I see. That's a nice piece of information. And it was strangely a turn-on. Hmm. So I unzipped his suitcase.

"What are you wearing today?" When I got it open everything was just kind of all shoved in there. "How the fuck do you find anything?"

"I know where it all is and I'm wearing _this._" He said as he pulled out a pair of extremely short shorts and on the opposite end of the spectrum, a extremely baggy wife beater that would surely hang low enough to show off almost his entire upper torso.

"That shirt's going to hang so low it'll look like your not wearing any shorts."

He giggled. "Don't worry, I'll tuck the shirt in."

"You better. I don't want to be seen with a prostitute." That wasn't really the problem. The problem was I felt since he was so blind that it was up to me to protect his pride.

Shuichi started stripping and I found my eyes glued to his body.

"Stop staring." He demanded while blushing.

"You're mine. I can do whatever the hell I want." I did what he asked anyway though. But since I then started to strip myself, I made it look like that was the reason. Besides, when he's naked and we're on a set schedule I can't look at him anyway because we'll never make it to where we're going on time.

So I got dressed without raising my eyes but when I did finally look it was almost no different then if I had looked up and he _was _naked. I was looking at a side view of him and he was bent over buckling his new gladiator shoes he had bought yesterday. His white short shorts were high enough that when he was bent over like that I could see the curve of where his nice ass started. He had the shirt tucked into the side that was towards me but when he stood up to face me I could see that the other side wasn't tucked in and it covered more thigh then the shorts did on that leg did. The blue tank also had such a low neckline that I could see almost his entire chest save for his nipples. Damn it…

At the same time I analyzed him, Shuichi's eyes went to fall upon my hands which were tucking my shirt into my slacks and then doing up the button and zipper.

Without taking his eyes away from below my belt he asked: "What are we doing today anyway?"

"What do _you _want to do?" I'll admit that the brat had been very tolerable of me. He'd followed me when he knew I wanted and _needed _him around and stayed back at the hotel when he knew I needed some space. It was strangely a very intimate experience us traveling together. It had been coincidence that I had a book tour scheduled in the same city that Shuichi had a meeting with XMR to discuss an American solo album. So since I do like making my moron happy and I wasn't sure how me or _my body _would handle being away with him, I got my manager to change the book tour date to coordinate with Shu's meeting. I didn't tell Shu of what I did though. He just thought it was destiny.

"I just want to go look around. Bangor is so different from anywhere else I've been."

So that's what we did. We walked downtown and I'll admit I was happy… for the most part. What I didn't like was how many people I caught staring at Shu. The girls had no shame and that was probably because Shuichi looked like he had no shame. All of there eyes would first glue to his legs. I couldn't blame them though. Shuichi does have amazing legs. There very long and very slim and his thighs are perfectly toned so that when he walks they seem to vibrate. Vibrate, not jiggle. Because it was all muscle. And from behind when his leg goes back you can see the crease of where the thigh ends and the round butt begins. So in the beginning I tried to stay behind him. I'd watch every girl we pass trail there eyes up and when they saw his adorable face they'd smile because they'd finally seen the perfect guy. Now I was able to tolerate that because I knew known of them had a chance. It was when I saw a few boyschecking him out that that I got pretty defensive.

So I surprised him by grabbing his hand and holding it tight. He flashed me a shocked grin at my bluntness but relaxed because he probably had been noticing all the attention too and could feel the jealousy rolling off of me in huge waves.

I just wanted it to be known that Shuichi was_ permanently _off the market.

**A/N: I figured since the last little drabble was so depressing I'd make up for it with a much longer, _happier story. _**


	26. A Cure For Loneliness

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: MAJOR LEMON! Skip this entire chapter if you don't want to read lemon.**

**So, I apologize for the grammar mistakes but it's 2:45am and I have school tomorrow. I'll check it over after. Promise.**

"Rough day?" I teased. I trotted over to the arm of the couch which is where my little brat was resting his head. He turned his head back as far as it would go to look up at me and I leaned down to give him an upside-down kiss. I love this kiss, it's a special one between us. And honestly it's my favourite. I love the feel of his strong jaw in my hands. My tongue traces his lips and asks for entrance into his mouth. He complies and then him and I are connected in the only way we can without fucking. Damn it, he's so adorable is the only thought I can fathom. Nothing else even compares. Not when he tastes the way he does. If only I could voice these feelings. But there's no way in hell.

Shuichi needs air before I do. His little lungs forcing him to pull away and he gasps to try and slow down his heart.

"Yeah." He pants, remembering my question. "I signed my name so many times I got hand cramps." He lifted his limp hand and held it out towards he. I stood up and chuckled though. Refusing his request.

"So, what's going on? Are we going back to Japan yet?" We were still in America but we had moved onto memory lane. That's right. We were in New York. Luckily for us though that I'm rich and Shuichi is filthy rich. Him and I had sat down and had a very grown up discussion just a little while ago and that was a very odd experience. But basically when we moved into the new apartment we mutually decided that all of the costs would be shared between us and I got an intriguing insight into Shuichi's financial life. God that was surprising. But whether we stayed or left for Japan was up to Shuichi because the only reason we were still here was because he still hadn't settled all the paperwork for the contract with XMR.

"I'll know be tomorrow." He flipped over and sat up, then promptly fell backwards so he was lying back on the couch. My eyes widened. I know what he's asking. I am so incredibly accustomed to his body language that it's sometimes shocking. We're so close (closer then I'd ever like to admit) that when someone yells his name my head turns just as quickly as his. Because anything that has to do with him also has to do with me. So I can easily tell that he's trying to convey to me how lonely he is. And I must agree. I'm lonely too.

I touch my fingertips to his dainty foot and keep contact with his body as I walk around to the front of the couch to where I can kneel beside his hip.

"It's been awhile, huh?" I asked quietly. I expected him to be bashful because I knew he'd know what I meant. He wasn't oblivious to his body's needs and neither am I. I expected him to blush and curse and cover his face. But instead I felt his small hand go to hold mine and I watched his lips murmur a soft "Yeah."

Is it possible to go through withdrawal over someone's body? I know someone can have sex withdrawal. But that's not what going on here. It's not just sex with me and Shu. It never has been. I might have thought that that was what it was at one time but I realize it now that without him there is nothing. His personality is very, very annoying. Yet it's so innocent and naïve that I can't help but want to protect him and he's also so precious that I can't help it that I love him. His body is also so captivating. The way those violet eyes can see right through my fake masks and look at me with nothing but love equal as to what I feel towards him. His little hands and easily breakable fingers are so seductive in the way they trail down my abdomen and then after playing with my pubic hair for a moment they bring me to life with their careful strokes. Then there are his calves. I love the feeling of them resting on my shoulders after he puts them there to give me easier access. His thighs are my favourite part of his legs though. They are unbelievably soft and before, during, or right after I'm done tasting and satisfying him with my tongue then I just love to take a moment to graze my cheek along his inner thigh. Then there are his arms which wrap around me with surprising strength and his little hands that grasp my shoulders. His stomach which clenches with every thrust into him I do. The muscles contracting and the intrusion which makes me only want to do it harder, faster, anything.

But as always I can never really appreciate any of this until after we're done and today is no different. Before I know my shirt is gone and my pants are undone and Shuichi is fully naked and I've got him pinned against a wall. We kiss with such passion that our lips will both be puffy and bruised in the morning. I can feel his cock pressing into my stomach and the pre-cum running down between my legs and I'm working to get to him faster. I lift him and he wraps his legs around my waist and I press him even more to the wall and we create a balance but the lust only grows. Because I can feel everything on my chest. Every hair, every twitching nerve, every vessel pumping with blood. We're both waiting for our cue.

It finally comes after an eternal moment. When we somehow (over the moans and sloppy kisses) hear my pants hit the floor we both are ready. I step out of the pants legs and stumble around the room while trying to hold his weight. I crash into tables and lamps and counters but notice nothing. Our lips stay locked and our tongues stay busy the entire time.

It's all happening fast now. I don't feel the pain when I fall to the floor and Shuichi knows what to do now out of experience. He moves up high enough on my stomach that I'm looking up at his chest but I am now able to reach around and stick that first finger into his anus. I feel him shudder and the muscles tighten around just my one appendage and quickly I'm whispering for him to relax. The second finger follows and I'm making a hook and thrusting and above me is a moaning pile of electrocuted nerves. I scissor him just so I can be sure that doing this will cause him no pain. To this day Shu still has no idea how much panic the idea of causing him pain brings me. I refuse to ponder over the thought while we're doing this though because I get completely turned off.

"You're ready." I finally spit out. My cock is throbbing so insanely now that my vision is blurry and I know in my heart that only Shuichi could ever do this to me. Make me feel this way. I put my elbows under me to hold up my upper torso and watch as Shuichi impales himself. His eyes flash to my face when he cries out and I want to tell him that he did it too quickly and that was stupid and that he could have torn something. But I can't do that because I'm throwing my head back and moaning out his name in complete ecstasy. He is hesitant at first. He squirms and bounces but soon he finds a rhythm. With my eyes sealed shut I reach for his hips but can't reach them. I'm not sure how but he somehow notices what I want and instead intertwines his fingers in mine and uses the leverage to lift himself higher and slam down harder.

After only a few thrusts I know I'm almost ready to cum so I let go of his hand and begin quickly stroking him. We've been doing this for so long that I know which speed of jacking off will make him cum to coordinate with myself so we pretty much release at the same time. And there is nothing better then pouring myself into the warm, young body and then feelings his deliciousness spill all over my chest.

When I finally soften he stands up with a groan of pain. But he knows the longer he puts off standing the more it will hurt. And as I look up at him I get this giddy, possessive feeling over my Shu when I see my seeds trickling down his inner thighs.

Oh God, how I've missed him.

**A/N: I warned you guys. (: So, what do you think?**


	27. Lose Yourself

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the story**

**A/N Where'd everybody go? D:**

**Here's a real short story. Just an idea, a drabble, but I feel it needs to stand alone.**

He's high maintenance. I can tell you that much. I've never had to care for somebody before but I sure have someone now. I have to feed him. He seems totally incapable of feeding himself especially with his cooking disability. I don't eat a lot myself so sometimes I forget and he's to shy (at least around me) to mention something so he'll sit there and starve. And I may not show it but I always feel so bad because when I do finally crawl out of my study he'll just be in the kitchen by the cupboards, too scared of getting yelled at to touch anything, just staring at me hoping that I've remembered.

I'm also responsible for making sure he gets enough sleep. He's much like a child in the sense that he'll stay up till 12am even if he has to be up and ready at 4am. I suppose it benefits me because I can no longer pull all-nighters. Because I always have to keep an eye on the time so I can put him to bed and since he can never fall asleep without m. So we usually always go to sleep together. And on the off chance we don't, usually when I'm struggling to meet a deadline, I'll sit beside him until he's asleep before I leave.

But first and foremost I feel that it's my job to make sure he doesn't lose himself in all the fame. In all the fortune. I do this job _very _subtly but it's still the biggest worry. He's the center of Japan and I can't let it go to his head. I have to keep him grounded. I can't lose him to the rest of the country. Because he's trying to grow up too fast. He's trying to hit the peak of his career before he's 21. He still so young though and I don't think he realizes it.

So when he get's ahead of himself. When his expectations are too high. I'll remind him of what's real.

I'll whisper in his ear: "Slow down, brat, or you're going to lose it all."

**A/N: You can see in the manga especially how protective Yuki is of Shuichi and I just love writing about that and in all the different forms that it may come in. **


	28. Our New Apartment

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N I don't really like this but I worked **_**forever **_**on it, haha**

There are many reasons why we chose this new apartment. For starters it has three bedrooms. This allows for one of them to become my and Shuichi's shared bedroom and for the other two to become an office for each of us to work in separately. Lately Shuichi has been doing so many other side projects. A solo album, guest appearances, he has been writing lyrics for other artists, and he was also getting really involved in the business side of his work. So I knew he was going to need an office long before he himself even realized it.

Another reason was the open space. Now it's not really something we discussed but we both knew that we can't be limited by space when we're fucking. We'll do it anywhere because we'll suddenly desire each other and as long as we're alone in the house we will act on it immediately no matter where we are.

The last reason why was the privacy. Our apartment is right on the corner of the building so when we're outside we have no neighbours. We're on the top floor so nobody above us to look down and it's kind of impossible to see us while looking up. Besides, we have heightened security.

Shuichi seems to have complete faith in our privacy because when I came home today he was sitting on the deck completely naked, with his chin resting on his knees, in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm which I had just ran home to avoid. But then again it's pitch black out. So nobody but me can see him anyway. It was the fact that I didn't want to have to take care of him when he got sick that I stormed up to him angrily.

"What are you doing, you dumb brat?" I asked while I poked my head out.

"Yuki!" He yells when he sees me. I startled him and it makes me smirk and chuckle.

"You hear me?" I ask.

"I just like the rain, that's all." He shrugs.

"What happened?" I'm able to tell when he's had a bad day.

He looks up at me and puts on a smile. "Just Tohma being an ass."

"Anything I should kick his ass over?" I'll never pass up an opportunity to kick Tohmas ass.

This makes him laugh which makes me smile. It's not too often that I make him laugh. I make him do a lot of things- but laugh? No, that's not usually one of them.

"No." He sighs. "I can handle it."

"If your sure…"

"I am." Shuichi says and I trust him. "He may be your brother-in-law but he's _my _boss."

I sigh because I wish I could deal with it for him but he's right, he can handle it all by himself. It surprises me how hard that is to accept.

"You going to come in?" I finally ask. It's not a very true question though. He's just so tempting. He's naked and drenched in the still pouring rain. His hair plastered to his face, almost a purple color now. With his back to the railing and his knees pulled to his chest I can easily see what sparks my desire planted beautifully between his soft thighs.

"I suppose." He says while moving to lift himself up.

"Don't come in yet though, I'm not going to let you get water all over the floor."

He chuckles but stood just outside the door while I left and got a towel. When I walked back I held it out and once I reached the patio door he walked into the soft cloth which I wrapped around his small frame.

"God, you're an idiot." I scold when he sneezes.

He just looks up at me with a smirk and whispers "I love you too."

**A/N: Thank you everybody for all the support. Through all the good stories and the down right terrible ones you've always believed in me and I thank you. **


	29. Forever, Secrets, and Understanding

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: Just a few small drabbles. I thought I'd write some more happy, calm, simple stories then what I've been doing lately. Enjoy. (:**

"You think we'll be together forever?" Shuichi whispers. We'd been just lying in bed facing each other and staring at each other and thinking about each other.

"What kind if question is that?"

"A real one." He answers and that brings me up short.

"I don't know." I finally sigh.

"How long then?" He presses.

I don't like to think about one day not being with Shu.

"I don't see why we couldn't stay together for a long time."

"You think so?" He sounds happy now I'm scared that someday I'll disappoint him.

"Yes. Now shut up before I change my mind."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"What are you doing?"

"It's a secret."

"No seriously brat, what are you doing?"

"No seriously Yuki, it's a secret."

"I'll roll over and squish you."

"See? It's not that bad."

"How the hell can I see? You're lying on my _back!"_

"Calm down."

"How can I calm down?"

"You're such a worrier."

"Are you done?"

"Yes."

"Have you done something that will make me want to divorce you?"

"No silly. The braids look adorable."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Where are you going?" Shuichi just kind of got up and left.

"I don't know. I don't like seeing myself on TV."

I had not even paid any attention to the television but now that I looked sure enough there was my little brat dancing around the screen.

"Why not?" I couldn't understand. I never saw myself on TV but that's because I never watched it, not because I didn't want to.

"It's embarrassing. I look funny."

"I don't understand." I really didn't.

"Okay. It's like- When I'm performing I could care less because that's who I am _then. _A singer. But when I'm home that not who I am so it's…weird."

I cocked my head to the side, not a typical gesture of mine.

"It's okay." He sighed. "You don't have to understand." Then he left.

It's hard for me to accept that I still don't know everything about my partner but I guess I'll have to. I guess I'll also have to accept that there are some thing's that I will just _never _understand.

**A/N: I like these. (:**


	30. Runaways: Part 1

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: This will probably the most serious, unromantic story I'll be writing. I hope you all like it. -fingers crossed-**

"Where the _fuck_ is Shuichi?" I couldn't even express how outraged I was without yelling. All I could think to do was ask where the fuck my brat was and even then _nobody _was answering me.

"Eiri, calm down." Tohma must've said that a hundred time already. It wasn't working. "He's fine."

"_Fine?_"

"Yes. Fine. This is for the best. There's about thirty homophobic idiots running loose right now that want the both of you dead. We were lucky to get you both-"

"_Both _of us? Shuichi was the one who got fucking _shot _at!"

"-out of there before one of you got killed. _Trust_ me. Shuichi will be safer this way."

On the other side of me my sister Mika backed up her husband which made me grit my teeth.

"Tohma's right, Eiri. He's safer with K and Hiro. They'll take good care of him."

"He's _safest _when he's with me." I began eyeing the car door, planning my escape.

I guess my sister caught me. "Don't even think about it, Eiri." She warned.

Tohma finally chimed back in. "He's not safe with you now, Eiri. Right now you two are better apart and ignorant. We can't have you two contacting each other."

"_What!_" Nobody ever told me that. The driver of our SUV turned around and looked at me, startled by my really, really loud outburst. "There's no way that's happening."

"Will you keep it together?" Snapped Mika.

I sat back in a huff. There was nothing I could do and it was driving me insane. Plus, the last I had seen of Shu was over an hour ago and we still had no word on what was going to happen. We had known for a little while that there was a group of people who were against our relationship but we didn't pay much attention because they had managed to stay in the dark until now. But tonight (or maybe even last night, it must be past midnight by now), I had been waiting for Shuichi back in his dressing room -that I now am granted complete access into- while his concert started coming to an end. When I heard the one sound that sent me into near hysterics. A gunshot. I busted out the door but before I could go anywhere I was quickly ushered out of the door and shoved into the SUV I am in now. Mika and Tohma were waiting for me and we have been driving ever since. We had received brief words on what was going on with Shu but nothing close to what I wanted. I wanted to talk to _Shu_! Fuck. I don't even know if Shuichi got hit and that makes me want to scream. All I got told was that it was the homophobic group that committed the crime which means that it was not a random act. They ended up capturing the man that did the shooting but he still refuses to talk and tell the investigators where the other members of the group are. So they could be anywhere. But I still don't care. I want to protect my Shu. But I do realize that by me being there it would just make us an easier target.

It's just so hard to be so helpless.

-Plus I don't know where the hell we're going. That just plain pisses me off.

**A/N: I **_**really **_**want your opinions. I've never written anything like this before and I'm scared that it's really a terrible idea… Which sucks because I love it. Haha.**


	31. Runaways: Part 2

We figured that it was better not to get a suite so we just settled for a normal hotel room. One with two double beds, a mini fridge and a closet bathroom. Oh God. I immediately stripped myself of my shirt and fell onto the most uncomfortable bed ever. My sister came over and I felt her hand on my back but I was too tired to shrug it off. I heard her whisper something to me but it didn't make any sense. I was hoping to sleep, get a break from the anger and all the craziness. But just as I was on the brink of sleep I heard the conversation that I had been waiting to hear.

Tohma was on the phone with K. I pretended to be asleep as I listened.

"How is he?" I knew that there was no way that Tohma actually cared about Shu. He was doing this for me. There was a faint pause as K probably snapped at him saying how telling even him would be dangerous. "Eiri's worried sick. He'll be up half the night if I don't get _some _sort of information." I agreed with him 100% there. There was a long pause that I didn't like.

Then I heard Tohma whispering but I could still hear him.

"Is it bad?" … "How bad?" … "Fuck." … "It's to be expected. If Eiri is this bad being separated I don't even want to imagine how badly Shindou-san must be taking it." … "Mhm. Yes." … "Well make sure he sleeps." … "I don't care. Whatever it takes make him sleep. Tell him that even Eiri is sleeping… No, he's not but Shindou-san doesn't have to know that."

Shit, Tohma knows I'm awake.

"Alright, bye K… I know you're awake Eiri."

I turned my head to look at Tohma who was sitting on the other bed. Mika was still sitting beside me. She started rubbing my bare back soothingly.

"Is he okay?" I crocked.

"You know I can't tell you that Eiri. I trust you, I do. But I don't trust your feelings toward Shindou-san."

All I could do to express my frustration was bury my face back in the pillow.

Mika leaned down and whispered in my ear. "You and me both know that you'd honestly do anything that boy asked. That's why we can't let you know anything, okay?"

I just groaned. They were right and I couldn't deny it without looking foolish.

Mika stood up. "Please try and get some sleep. And don't try anything stupid."

I heard them whispering but didn't care enough to listen.

When all was silent and I was sure they were asleep I flipped over on my back.

This was the biggest mess ever.

"_You need a haircut brat." _

"_You're one to talk." His smile is dazzling. _

My eyes are finally starting to droop.

"_Yuki! Are you even listening to me?"_

"_Of course I am."_

"_You're not acting like it."_

"_I'm always listening to you, brat."_

I think I'm dreaming now. I'm not sure though.

"_I love you." He whispers. Shuichi is always so mouth-watering when he's sated from sex. _

Nobody will ever know him like I do.

_-Ring-_

Oh God. I haven't slept by myself in months.

-Ring-

I finally hear the phone. It's Tohmas. And I'm automatically diving for it. Grabbing it before he wakes up. I almost fall to the ground and it doesn't wake either of them yet I'm scared that even the opening of the phone will make them stir.

I look down at the caller ID and my heart starts pounding. Shindou Shuichi.


	32. Runaways: Teaser

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: I'm loving this just as much as you guys are! (: This is going to be a long one.**

**I won't be able to post for a few days so here's a teaser. Oh, how everybody hates teasers. 3**

There was a wrestling match going on in my head against logic and desire.

Desire was whispering: _Answer the fucking phone. You don't have to talk back to him. Jack off to his voice for all I care. Just _answer _the phone. _

Logic was screaming at me: _For Gods sake! You're going to talk to him now and get him possibly killed? Is that you want? To kill another person that you love? Or are you going to do the right thing and let it go and get this whole mess over with. You can jack off without him or better yet wait and have some actual sex with him later when you see him! You pick buddy boy. _

Desire: _What's the worst that could happen? I doubt Shu's stupid enough to give away where he is and he loves you too much to ask where you are! Goodness gracious man. _

My hand muscles twitched to flip open the phone.

"Eiri, don't."

That startled me. I looked up and Mika was staring at me and Tohma was stirring.

"Put the phone down." She ordered.

I was glad for my sister. She pulled me out of the insane act I was about to commit. I put down the phone and stared at it while it rang. It made me sick to my stomach when it stopped ringing and Shuichi's name disappeared.

I laid back down without a word to either of them.

_He's marvellous when he's singing. _

_I love it when his voice dips and goes low, even if only for a moment, and I get a glimpse of the man buried within the boy. _

_I love it when he'll speak softly and quietly to me backstage because he's nervous._

_Then I love watching him explode on stage. _

**One week later.**

"What?"

"Eiri."

"What did you just _fucking _say to me?"

"You're not listening."

"What. The. _Fuck Tohma?"_

My sister put herself between the two of us. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea.

"Listen to him, Eiri." She had that no nonsense tone that I hate. So I shot at her.

"No. He's telling me that I have to spend another _three weeks _here in this hell hole!"

"Just until the investigation is over and everything is cleared. Three weeks _at most. _It could be only a few days. We don't know."

"Fuck that." I started towards the door. I didn't care. I was going to go and figure out where Shu was (somehow) and take him with me (somewhere) and we'll hide out together.

"I know you want to be with him!" Mika yelled at my back. "We get it!"

"Just shut up." I muttered. She and him didn't get _shit._ I opened the door but I didn't get far.

Because a certain Nakano Hiro was in my way.


	33. Runaways: Part 4

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: Here's a new chapter with a few twists because I like to change my mind. (:**

"_What do you want?" I didn't want to see anyone right now besides Shuichi. Especially not Nakano. _

"_I need to talk to you" He said as if he expected my rudeness "... Privately."_

"_Is it about Shuichi?" _

"_It is." Oh God._

_My stomach started turning but even so I turned towards my sister and Tohma and said "I'll be right back." and left and slammed the front door before either could utter something against it._

"_Where is he?" I asked once we were alone on the front steps. _

"_In the car."_

_I wasn't expecting that._

_My eyes dove over his shoulder and I saw a SUV identical to the one we were using. I looked for him in the front seat before I realized how stupid that was then I looked back before I realized how stupid that was too. Of course the back seat windows would be tinted. _

_Before I let myself feel happy I got real mad. What were they thinking?_

"_What the fuck?" I yelled a little too loud. _

"_Calm down. He's fine. I know that we've been keeping the three of you in the dark but the investigation is over. K is still going to be on your guy's case like crazy but I figured it would be best for both of you to be back together as soon as possible."_

"_Yeah."_

"_Eiri."_

"Eiri."

"Eiri!"

When did Tohma come outside?

"Eiri, get up!"

Where the hell am I? Where's Nakano? Where's my Shu?

"Eiri! Shindou is on the phone!"

I sat up in bed and looked at Tohma and I could tell he knew I was a little confused.

"You were dreaming, Eiri. Shindou is on the phone." He said while his hand covered the mouth piece.

"Shindou?" I echoed. The name sounded foreign to my lips. I don't know if I've ever called him that.

"Shuichi." Tohma said dramatically, getting frustrated with me.

I grabbed the phone quickly. "Shu?" I whispered. I had no idea where he was or where I was or if he was okay or if I was okay. I just wanted to hear his voice.

_Yuki… _I heard him breathe.

It felt like I let go of a breath I had been holding for years and a weight was lifted off of my chest.

_Yuki, I think I should stay away from you for awhile…_

And the weight came crashing back down.

**A/N: Hope you liked this! Next chapter may or may not be the last. (:**


	34. Runaways: Part 5

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: Enjoy. I love this side of Yuki.**

"Why's that?" I sounded mad and I knew it.

_Because this is all my fault._

That was all he said. And I thought about it. Sure, he was the one to fall in love with me in the first place. He was the one who chased, pursued, and outright _stalked _me.

But I was the one who made the first move. I could have just handed that pathetic attempt of a love song right back to him that night in the park. I could have gave it to him and walked away and he wouldn't have given me a second thought. But something in me was reaching out towards him, I think. But me being me. It came out as a whole bunch of insults.

I was also the one to initiate the first kiss, the first act of sex, I was the one who agreed to take him out on our first date.

So, if it's anyone's fault. _I think its mine._

"It's not your fault, Shuichi. It's both of ours."

"Yuki-"

"How are you?"

"Huh?"

"You deaf?"

"Oh- Um. I'm okay."

"You hurt?"

"Just my shoulder. But it's nothing to worry about."

"Shuichi. What you worry about, and what I worry about, are two _totally_ different things."

"I like it when you say my name."

"Brat."

"Yuki!"

I chuckled. "You pointed it out."

"Asshole."

"Yes, Shuichi?" I love teasing him.

"I love you." That made my breath hitch in my throat.

"…"

"Do you not love me too?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"You're not going to make me say it, are you?" I wasn't ready. Not yet.

"No Yuki. It's okay." Fuck. I'm such a fucking coward.

"What did Tohma tell you?"

"That we'll be able to go home in the next few days."

"Why'd he let you talk to me?"

"I threatened him."

"With what?"

"With you."

"I'm not even going to go there."

"Good choice." He laughed. "Tohma said you guys are going home today." I looked at the clock. 7:04am. Whoa.

"That's nice. Lonely, but nice."

"I'll be home soon."

"When?" I tried to sound annoyed but I know he could here my longing.

"A few days. Do you want me to call again?"

"No." I know he'll understand why. The anticipation would eat me alive.

"Okay. I'll see you soon then"

"I hate not knowing where you are, brat."

"I'll be home soon." It's the only comfort he could give me.

"Stay safe."

"Always."

And then I heard the phone click but it took me awhile before I could hang-up too.

**A/N: Epilogue? Or leave it?**


	35. The Film Canister

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: I decided against an epilogue. I might write one someday.**

**So here's a new story. **

I have a lot of junk in my desk drawer. So every once and awhile I like to clean it out. And I just like seeing all my old stuff.

On top of all the shit in there was just two empty cigarette boxes and about ten dry pens. So I quickly discarded those and kept digging. I found some old rent bills that I promptly paid for, a few fan letters for me that I never opened, a few expected death threats -again never opened- for both me and my Shu, and then just some old notes from past novels.

Then I get to the back of my drawer and I found something that I can't believe I forgot.

Something I purposely put in the back of the drawer. Hoping to forget it, but never being able too.

A film canister.

A film canister with the most horrid, gut wrenching, pictures. And no, they're not of me.

They're of something my more precious then me. Shuichi.

Yes, this film canister contains the pictures of his rape. I have, on many occasions, debated throwing this away but for some reason I can't. I have no idea why. I don't ever want to fucking get them developed. I don't want to see that. I don't want to see Shuichi like that. No. No way.

_It was my fault._

I'm not sure how long I sat there. Just staring. Not really staring at the film canister. Not really staring at _anything. _I just know that I was startled out of my state when I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder. I looked up and speak of the devil- There he was.

"Yuki?" He wasn't worried about me. But saying my name was a reaction when he was nervous or unsure. His eyes were locked on the film. He was remembering. I could almost see the scene play out in his eyes.

I wanted to shove the film back in the drawer and slam it shut.

I didn't want to hand it over to him.

But I couldn't stop myself when he held his hand out to me.

I couldn't resist those eyes while they blinked back tears. Trying to be strong for me.

"I'm sorry." That was all I could whisper as I locked my eyes on his sad face and while he kept his eyes locked on his past.

"I shouldn't have gone out."

"Shu-"

"I shouldn't have been so fucking _stupid!" _

"Shuichi-"

He was coughing up sobs now. "I feel so _bad, _all the time."

"Shuichi!" He finally looks at me. But he looks at me like he never knew I was here. "… Do you want me to get rid of it?"

He took a deep, shaky breath. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Come on," I said, standing up. "Let's go to bed, brat." He didn't want to talk about it just as much as I didn't want to.

"Okay."

I nod, take the film away, and put it back in the drawer.

Neither of us is ready to face truth and talk about it. And I think that's why we both cant get rid of it, because when we do it will truly be the end of it and it will truly be put behind us. But its still fresh in our hearts.

So maybe the next time I look through my drawer and find that film canister, maybe then we'll be ready to face the past and really sit down and talk about it. Man to man.

**A/N: What do you think my beautiful reviewers whom I love so much?**


	36. Every Once and Awhile

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: This was originally going to be a lemon but the emotions are so important in this story and the lemon really took away from that so I got rid of it. Sue me. **

I don't get to see Shuichi that much anymore.

How long ago has it been now? Three years? Maybe even four… I just don't know anymore. Just like before I met Shu, I don't keep track of the days. I have no need to. Half of the time I don't even know what month it is. I just write. For hours and hours on end. During the ten years its been since we parted ways I've written many novels. It's the only thing that keeps me grounded and honestly it just really helps in passing the time. The months upon months I'll go without speaking to a single soul.

So every once and awhile, which is every two or three years, I'll hear a knock on my door and I'll know it's Shuichi and my stomach muscles will twist and turn. The last time the brat came to visit was when he was in the middle of one of his national tours when the band had stopped in Tokyo. They had been given the night to go home instead of staying in a hotel and Shuichi decided to come and stay with me. Whenever he comes here we both know what will happen. Our logic is telling us to stay apart, but even if only for one night every few years, we need to see each other. The only reason I'm positive it's him is because nobody ever comes to my door. Tohma and my sister gave up on me years ago, I never really was the one for friends, and I talk to my publishing company and editor over the phone and through e-mail. There's only one person that ever comes to my door now-

_Knock, knock._

-Shindou Shuichi.

All of this is the reason why I'm shaking as I stand.

Even though we agreed to stay friends, and I suppose that means that we're now both allowed to date and even love other people, I think we both mutually agree that that is impossible. I could never love anyone else because I still love that brat. The reason we even broke up, plain and simple, was because we felt that is was best. Shuichi felt terrible because he was pretty much _never _home and he felt that there was so much more I could be doing then sitting around waiting for him. And as for me, I felt that it was best for him. I felt like that I was holding him back. He's so young and has so much potential. But I can't go places with him… I can't move around constantly.

I'm not saying we don't try to appear as though we've moved on. I mean I see him all the time on the cover of American magazines with his arms wrapped around a different slut almost every week. And then just last week I attended a party and brought a date. I don't even remember her name…

Because of all the hiding and the lies is the reason why I'm taking such hesitant steps towards the door. It's the reason why when I touch my fingertips to the knob I have to take a breath to steady myself.

But when I open that door it's just me and him again. The way it should be.

He looks at me for a moment. Maybe he was questioning whether or not I was going to answer. But soon enough he's leaping into my arms and I'm quick to pull him close. His legs wrap around my waist even though he's taller and he starts to sob into my neck even though he is so much older.

"I missed you." His voice is the only thing that never changes.

I don't say anything as I set him down and look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. I know that he's talking about being a year late.

I lean down and kiss him. It crosses my mind that I probably should have asked him first. But then I think: _That'd be stupid. If he had someone else he wouldn't be here. _

He kisses me slowly and shyly. He's remembering and I can feel him getting more confident and it feels like nothing has change-

_AH!_

I could immediately taste the familiar rust overtaking my mouth. "You little fucker, you bit my tongue!"

All Shuichi did was laugh. Laugh, and then when he saw my expression…run. He ran into the living room but he kept laughing.

I chase him all around the house. He ducks under my arm and runs to the kitchen, the goes down the hall and I wrestle him to the floor but he gets away and tries to run into my study, probably because knows that it locks from the inside. But I'm able to grab him and he's screaming and laughing as I throw him over my shoulder and walk into the bedroom.

He's still giggling when I drop him on the bed. He lies on his back with his upper body supported with his elbows. His arms reach for me and I'm leaning down towards him and it feels as though its fifteen years ago, when we made love for the first time. I'm forward and anticipating but I'm holding back, not wanting to rush him. And he's nervous but excited, just wanting me to hurry the fuck up.

I don't remember a lot from that night. It's really all a blur. I just know that my Shu came home, his actually home. And I can remember the warmth, and the sound of his little cries escaping his mouth, and the overwhelming feeling of contentment that kept me from saying a word to him the entire time.

But what I remember the most? I can remember having to keep myself from crying when I heard him whisper, in all of the confusion and intense sensations, a quiet "I love you." in my ear.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

11:04pm

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

4:46am

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

7:32am

For some reason, the first time he came back to see me, we woke up in the morning and had the huge fight. I can't even remember what it was about. I can just remember him slamming the door behind him and me being terrified that he'd never visit me again. Well, he did obviously. After two years actually. He came back. But then that morning, and every morning after, I wake up to an empty bed.

And every mornings the same now. I'll wake up, remember what happened, and then sit there wishing that things were different. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up.

…_Sigh…_

And another three year countdown begins.

…I don't get to see Shuichi that much anymore.

**A/N: This was written really awkwardly, but I can't think of any other way to write it so… If you don't like it then suck it up. (:**


	37. Dramatic Drabbles

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N So here are some Drabbles.**

**WHICH DRABBLE TO YOU GUYS BELIEVE WILL MAKE THE BEST PLOT FOR THE NEXT STORY?**

"Yuki… I don't think I can do this."

"Why not, brat?"

"I'm not cut out for this. Everyone's going to think I'm a joke."

"Tohma would've wanted you to do this."

"He didn't think it would happen this soon."

"If he didn't think you could do it then he wouldn't have given you the choice."

"But I'm a singer not a-"

"Shuichi."

"…Yes?"

"…You'll be fine. Besides, who better to lead NG then their most prized money maker?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

I fucking called his cell phone ten thousand times. I fucking called Tohma's cell ten thousand times. I fucking called K's cell ten thousand times. For heavens _sake _I even called _Nakano's _cell ten thousand times. I could have killed all of them. They can't keep Shuichi away from me. Not this long.

What pisses me off is that I had to turn on the fucking news to find out that Shuichi was ruthlessly trapped inside his studio by a mob of paparazzi.

The reason? Our recent engagement.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"I'm going!" Shuichi was really angry at me.

"Not you are _not!" _But I was angrier.

"Yuki, I'm 23. I'm a grown man. I'm _going!"_

"No you most certainly are _not!"_

"And why not?" I could tell he was going to start crying just from the overwhelming frustration. Usually when it gets to this point in our arguments I give in because I come to my senses and realize how unreasonable I'm being.

"You have no reason to go to New York _alone!"_ But there are just some things I will absolutely _not_ budge on.

**A/N: SO WHICH ONE DO YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE THINK WILL MAKE THE BEST NEW STORY?**


	38. That'll Be The Day: Part 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own this story nor do I own the characters.**

**A/N: I decided to take all three different plot ideas and just make one big story. Should be **_**loads**_** of fun… No****- Seriously. Should be fun. (:**

_And now back to our top story tonight. _

_About an hour ago we got word that Shindou Shuichi, newly appointed head of N-G recording company and lead singer of the world famous band Bad Luck, is apparently _trapped _inside of N-G itself because of a massive amount of paparazzi present outside of the building. Now, from what we know, the reason for this is because of the announcement earlier today about Shindou Shuichi's recent engagement to famous romance novelist, Yuki Eiri, which was confirmed by an anonymous source after both parties were seen wearing rings last-_

"Fuck… Fuck! _Fuck!_" I couldn't believe this.I had expected there to be an uproar over our engagement. I even told him that we didn't have to get married if he didn't want to, if he felt that he'd be in danger. If he was scared. But Shuichi being Shuichi came right back and said: "I'm not going to let Japan control my life.". There was nothing I could say back to that so I agreed.

Lately it's been insane though. We are both famous, and Shuichi himself is incredibly famous. He has to be -at the moment- one of the most powerful men in Tokyo and easily the most famous person right now in all of Japan. Lately it's been completely, utterly insane. He's been having to call meetings every week, he's been _going _to meetings every week. He was given Tohma's old office (which he totally redecorated), and he's had to buy suits. I'm not saying that he doesn't jazz the suits up quite a bit. He'll wear your typical formal suit, but then he'll also tuck the pants into his favourite pair of knee-high, platform, leather boots and he'll usually always match his tie to whatever color his hair is that week.

Shuichi was also given the option to have a personal assistant and top security. He refused to assistant but I forced him to accept the security. I wasn't going to take a chance with him and it's a good thing I didn't. This type of situation we're in now is exactly what I was worried would happen and he's have no protection.

I look over at the clock.

11:47pm.

When did it get so late? There's nothing I'd love more right now then to curl up in bed and sleep. Wait, I lied. There's nothing I'd love more right now then to curl up in bed _with my brat _and sleep. But I suspect that he's probably a hell lot more tired then I am right now. He left really early this morning at 5am to go to a meeting while I myself stayed in bed until about noon. When I woke up is when I saw what's been on the news all day today. I tried calling Shu but he never answered, he's probably not allowed too, same with Nakano. And I even tried K but his line was always busy. He's probably almost as furious as I am right now.

_Ring, ring._

Without even thinking about it I'm diving for the phone. I just want answers. Is that too much to ask for? I hate everybody else knowing what's going on and them leaving me in the dark.

I pick up the phone. "Yes?"

"Eiri? It's K."

"K? What the fuck is going on? Where the hell have you all been? Why hasn't anyone called me? How'd the press find out? Why didn't Shuichi call me? Where is-"

"_Whoa! _Whoa! Whoa. Calm down. One at a time. Okay, they've been securing the building to protect _your _fiancée. Hiro and I have been talking to the police. I'm still trying to figure out how the press found out. Shuichi didn't call you because he's currently on lockdown over here. No calls or any form pf communication either in or out. And he is in the next room getting some seriously needed shut-eye… How's that?"

"Thorough. So how am I getting over there?"

"Wait, what? Getting over here? You can't come here."

"…" Oh really? He obviously doesn't know me very well.

**A/N: I'd write more but honestly I'm too tired and Mr. Buddy Holly's singing is putting me to sleep. **


	39. That'll Be The Day: Teaser

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: I HAVE THE WORST CASE OF WRITERS BLOCK EVER!**

**This was just written as a little, I don't know, random clip. -sigh- I hate not knowing where I'm going with something.**

"_Yuki! Yuki you can't just leave!"_

"_Of course I can, brat! I can do whatever the fuck I please."_

"_But__- But…"_

"_Huh? What's that?"_

"_But I love you…"_

The memories were coming at me like a rain of bullets. The were blended together but each of them contained their own hurt.

"_Go back to sleep, brat. I'll wake you when we're there."_

"_But it's only a ten minute drive from here to the apartment." He slurred._

"_It doesn't matter. Sleep."_

I remember carrying him up to the apartment that night. I destroyed my back but I just couldn't bear to wake him.

"_I've never worn a suit before."_

"_Well you're going to have to start."_

"_Whys that?"_

"_Because sadly that's how you're going to have to dress if you want people to take you seriously."_

"_People take me seriously."_

"_No they don't, Shuichi."_

I was aware that I was dreaming. But I couldn't wake myself up. Or maybe I didn't want to, I don't know…

"_Do you love me?"_

_I eyeballed him. Did he honestly expect me to answer that?_

"_Though so." He laughed._

I finally peeled my eyes open. Using as much force as it would have took if they had been glued shut. I sat up quickly, to prevent myself from falling back to sleep. The sweat dripping off my creases was excessive and as I looked over at the time I remembered my dreams which caused me to remember everything. I sprung up quickly and searched around. Still too asleep to know who I was, or where I was. I just knew that there was something that I needed to do and that it was not yet done.

**A/N: THIS IS SO DAMN FRUSTRATING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS DAMN WRITERS BLOCK!**

**Somebody help… I think I'm going mad.**

**Thank to everyone for putting up with me. I'm trying to find a cure for this so I can make you proud of me again...**


	40. That'll Be The Day: Part 2

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: So, I am back. Writers block is gone and I'm ready to attack! (: Part 2 everybody! **

"Tohma? I need a favour." I was surprised that he even answered the phone so I quickly started talking.

"Anything." He vowed.

"Get me into N-G."

"I can't do that, Eiri."

"Why the fuck not? You said anything!"

"_Anything_ within reason. I'm no longer involved with N-G. I have no power there. They will only answer to Shuichi. You know that."

"You still have their respect. That's something Shuichi doesn't have."

"Not yet. They will though. They'll soon develop a great deal of feelings towards him. I believe more so then they did towards myself. You'd know better then anybody… Shuichi's very easy to fall in love with."

"The point is that right now they _don't _feel that so you should be able to get me in. I can't just walk in the front door and K won't get me in the back."

"There's only one way the respect they have for me will get you in and that is if Shuichi will allow it. So the question is: Can you get a hold of Shuichi?"

"Fuck." I hadn't though of that.

"Exactly. They'll only allow me, and by association you, if they have permission by Shuichi."

"I can't even call him though. He's not allowed to answer the phone when I call."

"What time is it now?" Tohma inquired before answering himself with "1:23am. Eiri, they'll give up soon enough and then he'll come home."

"That damn brat won't come back. He'll stay there because he's a fuckin' workaholic!… Wait, I have an idea. _I_ can't call him but… Tohma, do you have Shuichi's new cell number?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

I redialled K's number. He answered immediately. Probably rushing to talk me out of whatever plan he believed I had conjured up.

"Eiri, don't even think about-"

"Ask Shuichi if he wants to talk to me."

"No."

"Why? Because you know he'll say yes then you know what I'll say and because you also know that you can't disobey his orders?"

"That's exactly why."

"Is Shuichi's cell phone turned off?"

"No… But he's been told not to answer calls coming from you because they'll be able to tap into it."

"But you didn't instruct him to not answer it at all? So he'll answer it if, oh I don't know, Tohma called?"

"…Why?"

All I heard after that was Shuichi screaming my name and K's and K yelling back. But we all know how this will end.

I smirked. I would have to thank Tohma for that. I mean, after all we've been through I didn't think he'd be all that willing to _help _me put myself in stupid situations like going to the same building where my superstar boyfriend was trapped. But then again, like me to Shu, Tohma can never say no to me.

K came on the phone then and all he said was a simple "The car will be there in fifteen minutes."

I almost smiled at his tone.

**A/N: I'll probably have a new chapter up super soon. I could actually write a lot more now but I like the feeling of this chapter ending here and then the rest of my ideas going into the last part. Excited! (:**


	41. That'll Be The Day: Part 3

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: Finally. Finally this story is coming to a close. And I've decided to end with some fluff instead of lemon this time. A wise choice I'm hoping…**

Obviously I didn't get to see all of the paparazzi. I mean, Shuichi's security didn't drive even close to them. But then again, that's the way it sure as fuck better be, he was paying enough money for them. But when they opened that SUV door, and told their radios that I had arrived, the sounds that hit my ears was deafening. The screaming was overwhelming. Their were so many cameras going of that is looked like there was a firework show going on on the other side of the building.

The men in black quickly escorted me into the back of the building. There were men everywhere. People going every which way. Most of the either on phones or shouting at people you were not. It took me a moment to realize that this was all for Shuichi. I took me seeing how desperate these people were to protect him -because of how much they depended on him, as both a public figure or a source of an income- to realize how big a deal he was. I almost felt like I should stayed home. Like I was in the way. _Almost. _That though only lasted a mere moment before I I though a good "Fuck that!" and reminded myself that this was just Shuichi. It didn't matter how much he had changed in the eyes of the public. To me he was still just a kid with the pathetic dream of becoming a star.

I pulled out my cell phone and pressed redial. I figured that it would just be easier to call K then to try and find him in this circus. He answered on the first ring. Wise of him.

"Eiri, I'm in Bad Luck's recording studio. You've been to the new one, haven't you?"

"The one that seems freakishly similar in size to our fucking apartment? Yeah, I know where it is." Then I hung up.

I wasn't kidding either. When I walked into that recording studio I could honestly make a life size, mental blueprint of out apartment and it would fit near perfectly. I could not understand why they needed to much space. I knew that they were the biggest band in Japan. Okay, I get that. And I realize that Shuichi probably does get this entire top floor to himself. I get that too. But it's still only five people -at _most_-that's usually in here at a time. Wasn't it just a tad over the top? Then I reminded my self that it was Shuichi I was thinking about here. Everything he does is over the top.

"Where is he at?" I didn't care about what they had to say to me when I walked through those doors. Honestly, I just wanted to get out of there. There were to many people around.

K looked at me as if he expected nothing less from me and as he walked over he smiled and rested his gun over his chest.

"I sent him to his office." He said with a grin that I couldn't quite read. It almost looked… Mischievous? "I told him to try and get some sleep and Hiro went with him to make the place a little more comfortable, but you know Shuichi he's-"

"-a fucking moron." I incorrectly finished for him while I turned on my heel and headed for the hallway. K just smiled. I didn't see it, but I knew he did all the same.

When I first approached the door I hesitated. The last time I had come here was to visit Tohma. So I had to run through my mind and make sure I was positive that this is where Shuichi would be. I reminded myself that yes, Tohma was no longer involved with NG, he was working on rebuilding his relationship with my sister before their baby -and my niece or nephew- arrived. And I reminded myself that yes, Shuichi had been appointed to the head of NG because Suguru hadn't really developed that correct traits. And besides, Shuichi was an amazing people person when he wanted to be,. The rest of the time he was just fucking annoying.

So after all of this reassurance I swung open the door and began a search for my recognizable little brat.

I had to give Nakano some credit. He sure knew how to make an office appear like a sanctuary. But then again, with all of the craziness downstairs, any place that was even remotely silent would seem like a sanctuary. The lights had been turned completely off, and the computer as well. The curtains had also been drawn back which kind of contradicted turning off the lights because of how bright Tokyo was, but I knew Shuichi would like the view. And I guess Nakano must have known that too…

The sofa had been pushed back to the far corner of the huge room and on it lay a sleeping Shuichi. There was a trail of clothes from where I stood to where he lay. His coat, his boots, his shirt, his pants, his socks. Everything but his boxers were sprawled everywhere.

I walked over and leaned down. He had his back facing me and I watched his chest rise and fall in a way that I recognized as a deep sleep for him. Glancing at the clock I saw that it was 4:15am… No wonder the little bugger was tired. He had been up for nearly twenty four hours while I myself had only been up about twelve.

Shuichi then shifted his weight ever so slightly. Enough to make me believe that I had woken him up with my presence and my breath hitched in my throat. But he quickly settled back down. I could hear the familiar sound of his lips smacking together in contentment and it allowed me to release the breath I had been holding.

Once I was sure that he was back in a deep sleep I reached a tentative hand and placed it on his bare side. His skin was hot and sticky with sweat. He must have been running around a bit for the last few hours because the air conditioning is was on in here.

My lips found there way to his sweat drenched hair where they placed a tender kiss atop his crown. Then I rubbed his side and patted his hip before standing up and turning around. I was planning to go over a sit in his chair, look out at the city and keep an eye on what was going on in front of the building. But then I heard the slightest shift of weight from behind me and I whirled around.

"Are they still out there?" His sleep muffled voice whispered as he turned his head and searched for me.

"Yes." I whispered back. I wasn't sure why we were whispering. Was it the lighting or the mood? I wasn't sure.

The brat simply nodded and ran a hand through is hair, looking around for the soul reason of having nothing to say.

Then he looked at me and whispered. "I'm sorry about all this, Yuki."

"Don't worry about it." My voice was a lot softer then it had been in a long time.

He sighed and twisted so he was now sitting on the sofa. His thumb and index finger going up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Aren't you warm?" He finally asked.

I guess he decided that there was no use in discussing what he couldn't control. Something I wish I could do.

"A bit." I answered. Then a moment later I shrugged off my coat.

As I kicked off my shoes (only because I had the feeling that we'd be here for quite awhile) I watched Shuichi get up off of his coach and start walking towards the other couch on the other side of the room. I raised an eyebrow at him and without looking at me he started pushing the other couch.

"What on Earth are you doing?" I inquired with a hint of amusement laced in my tone. He picked it out easily and scowled at me.

"We both need our sleep," He answered without stopping what he was doing. I felt the need to help him but my pride held me back. "And because there obviously isn't a bed in here… We're going to have to make one.

Oh, so that's what he was doing. I suppose that actually made quite a bit of sense. I was impressed and it must of showed on my face because Shuichi chuckled before doing the final shove that would connect the two sofa's in a way that made them look like an enclosed bed.

He hopped over the back of the newly placed couch and rolled onto one side. Then, like a parent inviting a child, he patted the space beside him.

I rolled my eyes, finished stripping, then began the humiliating task of crawling over the back of the couch.

"Scoot over." I muttered.

Shuichi chuckled. "There's no where to scoot over too. This isn't our king size bed."

I must have shot a pretty annoyed face in his direction because his smile fell quicker then it came. I felt kind of bad because of that, considering the day he must have had today, but I couldn't let that show. So I kissed him instead.

While I devoured his mouth, my tongue begging for entrance, Shuichi focused on getting as close as humanly possible to me. His little legs tangled with mine while his arms wrapped around my wide shoulders.

He pulled back for a moment and I gave him a rather angry look but given the circumstances he smiled.

"Hiro said he was going to check on me in about an hour before he left." Shuichi mumbled against my lips.

"So?" I breathed, trailing kisses on his neck to the place where I would make my mark.

"_So… _I'm saying we shouldn't go too far, because he _will _be here."

Shuichi really has no sense of adventure when it comes to sex. I ignored him.

"Yuki, I'm serious." He whined.

"Fuck that." I muttered.

After that there really weren't that many words shared between us. And if Hiro ever did show up, we didn't notice. But that's probably because he would have left quicker then would have came.

**A/N: There. A nice ending. I think we all know what end's up happening, haha. **

**I have some good new ideas. I just hope everybody is still reading and hasn't abandoned me. (:**


	42. Farewell Tour

**Disclaimer: I do not own this story nor the characters.**

His voice boomed across the crowd as he spoke to the hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of people all standing before him.

"I can't believe his." Shuichi tried to speak clearly, but he was so out of breath having just played "Blind Game Again". The crowd favourite and the obvious choice for one of the last songs of the night. He then looked at the crowd and said with a sad tone: "Hiro and I, we started this band back in middle school, and you can believe me when I say, I never though we'd end up here."

The roar from the crowd was deafening. I never could understand how Shuichi hadn't gone deaf over all the years.

"And then, back when we were both only nineteen, and we signed on with NG…" He then looked back and gestured towards Fujisaki with the biggest smile on his face. "…Suguru joined us. At first we thought he was just a real big pain in the ass. Well, he's still a big pain is the ass. He's just more tolerable now, I guess."

Suguru mumbled a quiet "Shut up, Shuichi." into his microphone but he was smiling back just as big.

Shuichi chuckled before turning back to the crowd.

"So this is it, I guess. This is the final concert… Of our farewell tour." The crowd stayed silent, as did I. I never thought I'd here those words come out of this mouth. I'd always imagined him singing well into old age like The Rolling Stones. But he'd expressed to me about three years ago the urge to stop his singing career in order to focus more on his responsibilities towards the recording company he now ran. At the age of thirty-three was when he came to me about this. And now, three years later just past his thirty-sixth birthday, he was about to say goodbye to his childhood dream. I couldn't really fully understand why, I figured it must just be because he had a desire to change gears. Try something else. He had found that he really liked working with the new bands, the young bands.

"We won't be parting ways though, that's for sure." He continued. "I'll be of course staying with NG as the big boss. The way it should be. And Hiro is going to be taking a break from working…" He spoke with a smile now. "…Just enjoying our riches. And Suguru will be working for me as a producer." He looked back for a moment at Fujisaki. "Some things never, huh Suguru?"

Fujisaki shook his head "You're an idiot, Shuichi."

Shuichi laughed and simply said: "Yeah, I know…

I could tell that the finality of it all was starting to hit him and hit him hard.

"It's been a long eighteen years coming." He was getting chocked up. I figured that it was nearly unnoticeable to everyone else, but not to me. I know him like the back of my hand. "And I- We are just so grateful to have had the chance to experience all of this. So thank you."

The crowd went completely insane. Raising their glasses, flashing their cameras.

"So, given the circumstances, I think one more song won't hurt… Our last song as a band together…"

"So you better not screw it up!" Hiro yelled. The crowd screamed and laughed. I was grateful for Hiro for saying that because it made Shuichi smile despite everything.

Then quicker then anybody wanted, the beginning of "The Rage Beat" blasted through the speakers.

_This is it. After this it's really going to be over. _

I had a feeling that my thoughts mirrored Shuichi's in that very moment when his mouth opened and he began belting out the first verse to the record that changed his entire life forever.

Looking up at the big screen I watched Shuichi twist and turn and interact with the crowd. Acting no different then if this had been just another benchmark show. But then again, what else could he do any different?

The chorus began and the smile on his face was beautiful. He looked just like the kid in the park I fell in love with when he smiled like that. This was right for him.

The guitar solo started up and Shuichi bent down to touch as many hands as possible while Hiro's aging figure appeared on the big screen. More animation and liveliness in his playing then I've seen for a long time.

After that I just closed my eyes and listened. Listened to what everybody else was listening to. Taking pride in the fact that after today I would be one of the only people to ever again hear this. Assuming that Bad Luck doesn't do a tour another ten years done the road. That'd actually be a very good idea.

The song began to end. The last chorus, the last line… I watched Shuichi share a look with Hiro before putting his everything into that last note.

He held it for as long as he could. And when it died, he almost dropped the microphone. Nobody was listening to the music that would bring the song to a close after that. They were all focused on Shuichi. The cameras dead set on his face. I waited for him to show some strong emotion.

I was surprised when he didn't.

Then, like the true musician he was to his very core, he said a very quick "Goodbye" and then walked off the stage with the rest of Bad Luck.

The crowd then screamed louder then it ever had before.

**A/N: This story actually was quite hard to write. I was very sad when I was writing the last few lines. The whole thought of this scenario became very real for me. **


	43. Nighttime Drive

**Disclaimer: Same…**

**A/N: Just letting everybody know, I started writing a story with the same plotline as the last chapter "Farewell Tour". It's called ****Countdown Till the End**** and it will probably be about 10-12 chapters long.**

**So, I am in love with this story. Lots of fluff. **_**Lots.**_

3:13am

"You're not cold are you, brat?" I asked as I quickly looked away from the road ahead over to the passenger's side where my little bundle of energy sat with his arms wrapped tightly around him.

"A bit." He answered, looking up at me with a nervous smile.

I took another quick glance at the road before turning around and reaching for my coat which I had earlier thrown onto the backseat.

"Here." I said as I chucked it in his general direction as I glued my eyes back to the road.

"Thank you." Shuichi whispered. He said in a way that made me look at him and I saw him smiling real wide at me.

I looked away and muttered an "You're welcome." as I turned the knob for the heat.

"Pass me a cigarette." I ordered. The brat owed me for making me pick him up from work this late at night. Not that I really minded to be honest. But I wouldn't tell him that.

I reached over, knowing exactly where his hand would be holding my cigarette. I stuck it in my mouth and put my lighter up to the tip. After a couple a flicks it came to life and the smoke filled the car. Shuichi used to hate the smell. He usually to rolls down the window and just sticks his head out. But this time, if anything, he took deeper breathes and his sighs were more content. If anything, he just snuggled in closer into the seat and into my coat.

"How much further?" He asked through a yawn. I refused to label him as cute when he did that… I just flat out refuse.

"About an hour." I answered through an exhale. "I'm still not sure why they made you come way out here."

"XMR wanted me to come meet them there. I don't know the reason."

"Discussing that solo album?"

"Yeah."

I nodded. He yawned.

"Go to sleep." I said, putting out my smoke in the ashtray so I could reach over to pat his knee. "I'll wake you when we get there."

Shuichi caught my hand before I could pull away. He whispered a soft "Okay." while he tried to hold back another loud yawn before he lifted it to his lips and placed a kiss on my knuckles. Then he intertwined his fingers in mine, holding my one big hand in both of his small ones. I looked over to raise an eyebrow at him but he had already closed his eyes.

For the next hour I found myself keeping a hold on his small hands, long after his grip went limp.

**A/N: Writing this was just so relaxing. I hope reading it had the same effect. **


	44. The Park

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: This piece is sort of supposed to be a summery on how Shuichi and Yuki function as a couple. When they fight, they really fight. But then they always seem to be able to move on from it really quickly and act as if it never happened. They just forget about it, forgive each other with no words. They're really good at that and it's something I admire.**

8:47pm

"If you won't drive me then obviously I'm going to need to borrow the fucking car!" The brat exploded. Shuichi doesn't swear a lot. So when he does, I know he's mad. But so am I.

"I barely trust you to_ walk_ home from work on your own! You really believe I'm going to trust you with my _car_?"

"Well then drive me!"

I can't remember the last time he was this angry with me.

"I can't! I have a meeting with my publishers!" I can't remember being this mad at him in a really long time.

"Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"Like hell if I know! Get Nakano to drive you like always!" We haven't fought like this in ages.

"He's out of town!"

"You're going to have to walk then! I'm not a fucking_ taxi_!"

"This could all be settled if you'd just let me borrow the _car_!"

"And I already told you that that's not going to happen!" I had to lock my hands at my sides. No matter how angry he may make me, I will never let myself hit him. I watched him look at me with a speechless expression. Like he couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. Then, without another word, he turned and walked out the door, slamming it as hard as he could behind him.

10:13pm

It took me awhile to calm down. But eventually, I came around. Like always.

I went out looking for where I figured he'd be. The park. And sure enough, he was there. Sitting in the grass with a look on his face that I'd seen too many times before.

I plotted myself down beside him, pulling a cigarette from my shirt pocket.

"Figured you'd be here." I muttered without looking at him.

He looked at me though. "Why?"

"Because you always come here when you're upset." I said with a tone like I was saying 'Duh'. "From the first day I met you."

"You remember that day?" He asked with a big smile.

"Of course I do." I said, but before he could squeal I continued, "Worst day of my life."

"Yuki!"

"Just being honest." I shrugged.

"Yeah, right." He rolled his eyes and I smirked while taking a drag before putting it out in the grass.

"You think we could stay here for the rest of our lives? It'd be a lot easier." I know that he was recalling our fight.

"I can't." I said bluntly. He eyes me sideways. "I have that meeting tomorrow." I explained.

Shuichi chuckled and mock punched my shoulder. "Jerk."

"Damn right." Giving him a shove.

He looked at me and one moment I was sitting and the next I was being tackled to the ground. He was able to get me down, solely based on the surprise factor. After that I was able to roll over and get him under me and through his laugh I kissed him.

First in a series of tender little pecks -teasing him- but after he whined in protest I could do nothing but give in. While holding my weight with my elbows I kissed him good and hard, hard enough to shove my lips into my front teeth. I licked his lips, demanding entrance, and he bit my tongue. I pulled back.

"Fuck! …Brat." I accused.

"Damn right." He smirked.

**A/N: Not the best, but you know, I had fun. **


	45. An Unknown Weight

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: I love this. **

"You're a lot like him."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"No."

It was true though. Shuichi's sister Maiko had Shuichi's exact facial features. She had nearly the same personality. She just carried herself with more grace then he did and she wasn't nearly as loud.

She sighed at my bluntness. The same as Shuichi. "He really does love you, you know." She whispered.

_They sound exactly the same when they whisper. _

"I know he does." I muttered. I didn't want to talk about this with her. No matter how much she may be like him, she just wasn't my brat.

"I know." She said. "He's my big brother so I love him. But I know how hard he can be to love. You're doing a good job."

I looked over at her and she winked at me with a smile on her face. Her saying that really shouldn't have lifted an unknown weight off my shoulders, but it did.

**A/N: I love Shuichi's sister. She's such a sweetheart.**


	46. I Could Never Live Without You

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long. **

For some reason, some very odd reason, neither me nor the brat are able to fall asleep tonight. I've been lying on my stomach for the past half hour with no desire to close my eyes. And Shuichi has been curled up, pressed against my side, for the same amount of time and I can still feel his breath on my skin. Not the kind of breath when he's asleep, very relaxed and moist and deep. But the kind of breath he has when he's trying to be quiet. Very shallow and in his throat.

"Yuki?"

"What?" I snapped. I wasn't angry with him. Just tired.

"Nothing. Just seeing if you were still awake."

I just grunted.

Another minute passed. "Yuki?"

I sighed then flipped over suddenly on my back. I felt him jerk back then once I was settled he settled back against my side, laying his head on my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair, down his face, then let it rest on his shoulder. "What is it?"

"K was talking about getting my some security. You know, to drive me to and from work and such."

I decided that sense I didn't have anything better to do, that I'd contribute to the conversation. "Well, that doesn't sound like a terrible idea. You definitely need the help in the 'staying safe' area of your career."

He looked up at me with a smirk. "What do you mean?"

I peered down. "You're an openly gay, cross dressing, pop singer who doesn't have any kind of security, outside of your manic manager, whatsoever. That's really not 'staying safe'."

He chuckled and snuggled his nose against my waist, making me hold back a squirm.

"I just don't see the point in living like that…" He mumbled. "Scared, I mean. I'm going to die eventually so, I don't know…"

"You shouldn't say that." I said getting suddenly _really _uncomfortable. Death is a really touchy subject for me. I thought I had gotten over it. Guess not.

"Why not?" Shuichi sounded puzzled. "It's true. Someday I'm going to die."

I hate having to show my feelings and I hate making Shuichi feel bad. But if it would make him shut up… "It's just not something I like thinking about."

"What? Dying?"

Why couldn't he just fucking understand already?

"Not dying in general exactly. You dying." I expected him to squeal with delight over me saying that. I expected him to choke me with embraces and suffocate me with kisses. But it never came.

Instead I got: "You'll be fine, Yuki."

"What makes you think you'll die first anyway?" For some reason. What he's said has made me angry. On the defence. "I'm the one doing all the smoking and drinking here. I`m much more likely to die first."

"That could never happen he said." Shuichi said simply.

"Why not?"

"Because I could never live without you."

"And what makes you think I could live without _you_?" I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out. My feelings beat my rudeness to my tongue.

As I knew he would, Shuichi looked up at me with surprise. Then his eyes glazed over with what he described as undying love. I described it as frustrating. How could he convey with a single look what I can't even convey in a single phrase?

"I love you, Yuki."

I looked away.

"Yuki?" His tone was so lulling. I had to force myself not to look at him.

"Yuki." I shut my eyes. His voice was intoxicating.

"Eiri." The sound of that name rolling off his tongue in that voice caused me to look down at him. He smiled in triumph. "I love you." He repeated.

I stared at him for I don't know how long before I leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"Go to sleep." I muttered.

Shuichi said nothing. Just smiled.

**A/N: Thank you to all who have stuck around. Much love.**


	47. Just Tired

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: This is short, but I like it. **

"Shuichi." It was becoming harder and harder to keep my tone stern.

He wouldn't listen. He just kept working away.

"_Shuichi."_ I was becoming desperate.

He stopped packing his bag long enough to shoot me a glare.

I was running out of options as he slipped on his shoes at the honking of the taxi.

"Shuichi. Just hear me out, _please?_"

He looked one last time at me and I could almost see the beginning of pity forming in his eyes. He said a flat 'Goodbye, Eiri.' then walked out the door.

I haven't seen nor heard from Shu since. I often sit and wonder what I ever did to make him suddenly walk out on me. Then I think that maybe it was nothing in particular. I think it was everything. Every comment, every denied affection, every selfish act.

Sometimes I think Shuichi was just tired.

**A/N: Not sure where this came from. Anyway, sorry this is short. But I'm going through another updating phase so it's not so bad. **


	48. Books

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: Ta-fucking-da!**

"Yuki, can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

"Can I ask you another one?"

_Oh my. _"Depends. Is it a stupid question?"

"I don't think so."

"I mean by my standards."

"Oh! Um… No. No, I don't think so."

"Alright. What is it?"

"Where do you get your ideas?"

"Huh?" I wish I could have come up with a more intelligent sounding answer then that but I really had no idea what he was talking about.

"Your stories- er, books, I mean. Where do you get the ideas for them from?"

I had to think about that one really. Half of me was surprised that Shuichi had even asked. He had never shown any real interest in my writing and I think that was something that I liked. He didn't ask and I didn't want to tell him. The other half of me was actually wondering. I think I already knew the answer, I was just in denial with myself. I wanted to say that it was past experience or that I had a really good imagination. But, if I was being honest with myself, it was my feelings and my current relationship with the damn brat himself that I poured into my work. It was my way of venting in a sense. I didn't want to rain on Shuichi's parade (more then I already do) so I wrote.

"Yuki?"

I looked at him and realized that I had spaced out. "I don't know." I finally answered. Not quite a lie.

"But Yuki, you kind of _have _to know."

"Not necessarily."

Shuichi just sighed then went back to- Wait. Is he reading a book?

"What are you reading, brat?" I asked in a stunned tone that I couldn't hide.

"A book."

"No shit. I meant, what book?"

"Yours."

_Fuck. He knows._

**A/N: I wish the manga would have given a better insight into Yuki's writing. I've always wondered about it. But sense there isn't much written about it was hard to write about it myself. Well obviously, this is a fan fiction. So this is what I came up with. **


	49. Wholehearted Truth

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: Um, so yeah. No idea where this came from. Enjoy?**

I had him trapped beneath me. He couldn't have escaped me even if he had wanted to. I wouldn't have let him. He was mine. In turn, he had his legs wrapped around my waist, keeping me there. Our hands were locked in each others hair. I held myself up with my knees but other then that his little body was holding my entire weight. We were kissing very long, very messy kisses. We were biting and teasing and licking and moaning. This was not the kind of kissing that would lead to sex though. I wasn't grinding my hips against him and neither of us were even hard. We weren't kissing because we _had _to. Because we _needed _it. We weren't desperate. Weren't hungry. This type of kissing was savouring. I was touching him but my touches were careful and gentle. Not jerky and uncoordinated. We were just enjoying what we had. We were kissing because we _wanted _to. Because we liked kissing. Because we liked each other. _A lot. _

Shu pulled back first to breathe deeply, keeping his eyes locked with mine. Almost like he was looking at me for the first time. There was wonder and excitement peaking out from behind the passion and love. I usually hate contact like that. I wanted to feel. I didn't want to hear or see. But this was different. As his tongue slipped lazily from his mouth to lick his lips I couldn't stop any longer so I leaned forward to kiss him again with more control and tenderness this time and as I did I kept my eyes open. Kept the contact he seemed to desire.

He broke the kiss again quickly to my extreme annoyance so and I gave him a chance to completely recover. Because he was breathing similar to if he had just run 10km. While I waited I licked his neck, his cheeks, his nose, his lips. I ran my tongue over his entire face like an animal. I felt his entire body shudder with glee when I poked my tongue through his lips to run across his teeth. It's not that I trusted him not to bite me. It's just I was so content and calm that the thought never even crossed my mind until later that night when I was glad that he hadn't.

"Would you die for me, Yuki?" The way he whispered the question wasn't like he was actually curious. He asked it like he was challenging me. Like he already knew the answer but he wanted to see if I had the balls to admit it. Smug bastard.

But like before I didn't notice that tone until later. All I knew was that he was asking me a question and I was going to answer it. Because right now all I could comprehend was him. He had completely taken over all my senses and made it so there was nothing else. His smell, his taste, his voice, his violet eyes. His entire being overwhelmed me like it never had before and I have no idea why.

"Yes." I confessed with a gasp in between the untidy kisses I was now planting around his mouth.

I felt his hold tighten around my waist and his fingers clench tighter around my hair and I felt his eyelashes brush against my forehead when his eyes closed and I knew that he was holding back tears. I knew that my honest answer was enough to cause him to break in two. I wanted to feel bad for making him want to cry. But then again, he asked. And if you ask a question you should be prepared for the wholehearted truth.

**A/N: It seems awkward but it's exactly how I wanted to write it… Meh. **


	50. Night in the Hospital

**Disclaimer: Same.**

**A/N: This story is sort of the epilogue to "An Accident". You can read this without reading that short story but it kind of explains how Shuichi wound up in the hospital in the first place. So, I know I'm kind of going through a phase of super mushy stories but it'll break soon I promise. Maybe I'll end the phase with a mass of blood and guts. Who knows.**

His small face was almost completely buried in the depths of my blue dress shirt. Even in sleep Shuichi inhaled deeply as if trying to absorb me from it. He nuzzled further into it, looking like he was in the midst of a wonderful dream as a smile appeared on his kissable mouth. The sheets were twisted and exposed his long, slender legs. And every once and awhile he'd murmur a soft sound that I'd try to understand but fail to every time. So I'd just reach out and pat his hip before settling back down into my chair beside the bed. This night could have been considered one of my best with Shuichi. I'd put it above one of our regular nights which consisted of a lot of talking and a lot of kissing. I'd probably put it right below the nights filled with endless sex really.

Well, I would if we weren't in the hospital…

The surgery on his elbow was scheduled for the morning so they made the decision to admit him early. K had driven him home after work then I drove him to the hospital in the late afternoon. It was supposed to have been just a run through of what they were going to be doing the next day but they made the decision to keep him here over night. So I called Nakano and K and they came right over to watch him which gave me the opportunity to go home and pack a bag for him.

I packed a change of clothes and his toothbrush and such; putting it all in his bad exactly like he would have so he's be able to find things. Then, just as I was about to head out the door, I turned around and grabbed the shirt I had just changed out of and stuffed it in there too for him to cuddle with tonight since, even though I'd be staying there overnight, I wouldn't be able to lie with him. It's not that I'm overly confident about Shuichi's need for me or that Shuichi is obsessive. It's just that ever since "the incident" Shuichi's been prone to nightmares if I'm not with him in some form. I learned this from Nakano after they returned from being on tour. He pulled me aside and told me what had been happening every night. The screams, the crying, the shaking… So now, whenever Shuichi is packing to go away I, without a word being spoken between us, will remove the shirt I'm currently wearing at the time and silently hand it to him before looking for another one to wear. He'll always give me a careful smile when I do this. A little embarrassed but mainly incredibly grateful.

So here we are. Looking at the clock tells me its about 10pm. Nakano and K were kicked out of here awhile ago and not long after that the brat dosed off. I brought my laptop which was a good idea considering I'm nearing a deadline so I spent the last couple hours typing then I went about my business and then eventually came to settle down beside Shuichi's bed in the chair I pulled up alongside it.

I stared at him for a long time and when he showed no signs of waking I even started slip myself. But then I heard the rustling of sheets and the smacking of lips and I snapped into full consciousness.

"Yuki?"

He said the question almost like he thought I should be here but wasn't sure I was. Well of course he wouldn't. His back was facing me. I smirked.

"Over here." I sighed.

He turned over. I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to it.

"Yuki… Will it hurt?"

"Will what hurt?" I asked stupidly. I must be more tired then I originally thought because as soon as I asked the question I knew what he was talking about. "The surgery? Yeah, it will afterwards for awhile. But no more then it hurts right now probably." No sense it lying to the boy. Giving him false hope then having him angry at me later.

"Will you be here when it's over?" He didn't sound scared, just curious.

"We'll see." I wasn't going to admit to him that I wouldn't be leaving this hospital till he _did _wake up.

He saw right through me. "Yuki." He said sternly.

I didn't give in. "I said we'll see."

He shot me an annoyed look. "_Yuki._" He sounded like he was trying to make me see sense. Make me stop talking nonsense.

I rolled my eyes. "I'll probably be here." I halfway gave in.

He just shook his head, twisted back around so he was no longer facing me, and settled back into my shirt and the sheets. "Better fucking be here." I heard him mumble under his breath.

I allowed that to make me smile since he couldn't see.

**A/N: I love Yuki. I just hope I get both him and Shuichi right every time.**


	51. The Canopy Bed

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: Well, new chapter has arrived.. And it's well, basically, all sex. So enjoy if you read and hope to see you back later if you don't.**

**Also, this is written in third person instead of in first. Thought I'd try it. Tell me how I did.**

Eiri knew he could've died right here in this moment and he wouldn't have felt as if he'd missed out on anything in his life.

Not when this moment was so utterly perfect. To his standards at least.

Not when he felt more at peace with the world then he had since he was sixteen.

Not when he had the one person whom he felt complete adoration towards at his mercy. _Shuichi._

They lay, completely isolated from everything, on a large canopy bed. The dark curtains completely drawn around them. The only sound from the outside world was the rain pounding against the window and the thunder erupting in the sky. The night had fallen upon them and they had retired to their bed. No words were spoken between the pair as they held hands during there walk down the hallway and none were spoken even as they separated to undress and lay down. They knew, whether it was a silent communication or just them both desiring the same thing, that they were going to have a wonderful night tonight from the very moment they both began closing the drapes around their bed at the same time.

Neither were sure what had created the mood. The rain maybe.

Eiri turned from closing his side of the canopy to see Shuichi laying on his back just peering up into his eyes. He looked extremely relaxed. His limbs were all over the place but his eyes were wide with what Eiri could recognize as lust. Pure passion and love.

So he leaned down, keeping his legs to the left of Shuichi put his right arm reached across the small body and he held himself up with his elbow resting comfortingly on the mattress. Shuichi's small hand came up to rest on his cheek and Eiri wasn't sure if he's ever felt such a soft touch that wasn't from a small child. How could a grown man have such small, soft hands. You'd think that Shuichi had never worked a day in his life. That he's never held an object. Eiri found himself closing his eyes and leaning into the touch, a pleased sound coming out from within. He turned his head in Shuichi's hand and flicked his tongue out to taste the gentle hand. It flinched in surprise and Eiri opened his eyes to grin down at Shuichi who has smiling openly up at him as well.

Then Shuichi's hand moved up, reaching, and Eiri bent down to make the job better. The small fingers worked there way into Eiri's hair and Eiri could feel the force as he tried to force Eiri's head down while Shuichi lifted himself up, mouth open and eyes fluttering. Eiri complied and leaned down to meet the eager lips to stop the whining which had begun to emerge from the back of the younger mans throat with impatience.

When they kissed it was slow. Eiri wanted to take his time even though he could feel the nips and licks Shuichi was giving him, trying to make him go deeper. He kept his slow pace though. Then, only after Shuichi gave in and slowed down, did he finally brush his tongue up against the tender lips of his partner, asking for entry. The mouth opened more then willingly and Eiri found himself pushing for control. He wanted to possess the body that lay beneath him. Wanted to explore every cavern possible until he left no place untouched.

Hands traveled. Pushing against the convulsing stomach and the arched shoulders. Shuichi was desperately trying to get even closer to Eiri even if it was impossible. He was suddenly very aware of a easily identifiable pressure poking into his stomach as he was sure Shuichi was aware of the pressure poking against his thigh. They were both undeniably hard by this point.

Eiri's kiss soon became sloppy and uncontrolled with this new motivation driving him. He soon was sometimes missing Shuichi's mouth and just kissing everywhere. His cheeks, chin, the creases in his nose. Anywhere he could find to place his mouth. The reason for the distraction was simple. His hand was traveling downwards. Looking to grab the source of the pressure poking into the stomach. And when he did. All hell broke loose.

Shuichi moaned beneath him. A sound very deep and in his throat. A sound that told Eiri that despite how Shuichi may act and dress and look, he was still a man. A man with _needs. _Seemingly without realizing, Shuichi began to make small thrusting motions, making what he wanted obvious. So Eiri complied, moving his hand until his fingers rested at the small entrance.

One digit. Two. Each one made Shuichi hiss. But frustration, not pain. Frustration that this was necessary.

It was eventually done though and Eiri pulled his hand away, having no patience for any more foreplay. He wanted to be inside Shuichi. Looking at himself and Shuichi he could see both their cocks were beet red, almost purple, and just appearing to be thump like they had a pulse.

Eiri looked at Shuichi, a question his eyes that basically read: _How would you like me to fuck you?_

Shuichi seemed to be trying to think it over quickly then his looked around as if he'd find the answer on the sheets before spitting out "Lie back."

Eiri didn't need to be told twice. Once Shuichi scooted out of the way he flipped over and spread his legs, bracing himself. He held his upper body up on his elbows so he could watch Shuichi swing his legs over his hips so he could straddle him. Eiri and Shuichi's eyes locked and Shuichi began to lower himself. Unable to wait it out any longer.

At first contact Eiri held his breath, waiting, and Shuichi looked back. Once the he slowly inching his way in Eiri could do nothing but throw his had back. The tension was just waiting to be released from inside him. Shuichi paused a moment before seating himself completely, grunting loudly.

Then Shuichi began to ride Eiri.

Eiri held his hands out and Shuichi took them, using them to hold his upper body up so he could lean forwards throughout the thrusting to lock lips with Eiri.

It was slow at first, intimate. But within a few deep thrusts they quickly became frenzied and Shuichi was arching his back and looking up at the ceiling. He was panting and gasping and saying various unknown phrases that meant nothing to either of them.

Eiri could only keep enough of a frame of mind to keep from thrusting up into the small body _too _hard as he panted and gasped what he hoped was Shuichi name. It was the best thing either of them had felt in a long time. They had had better sex before. Sex that had a lot more foreplay. Sex that had Shuichi crying before. But there was something about tonight that was different. But also like before, they couldn't tell what it was.

All that was known was that the love they felt was entirely mutual.

Shuichi soon came and as Eiri felt the warmth of it on his stomach something sent him over the edge and he came with a loud series of cursing.

The both were panting but when they looked at each other they smiled, laughing awkwardly before Shuichi stood up over Eiri and looked down at him.

Eiri reached his hand up with a sly smirk and Shuichi took it with a mischievous grin and he soon found himself being pulled down for another set of kisses.

Outside, the rain continued to pour.

**A/N: Well, haven't written about sex between these two in awhile. I've missed it, haha.**


	52. Decisions

**Disclaimer: I do not own this story nor the characters depicted here.**

**A/N: This piece is very short and meant to be confusing. You can interpret it however you see fit. **

"I'll see you in a few days okay? I promise. I won't be gone long." I just needed him to believe me. To trust me. I knew he'd never trust me again after this but if I could just get him to, just one more time…

"Yuki, you're not making any _sense._" He demanded as he took a step forward.

I took a step back. "Just trust me." I pleaded. _Trust me so I don't have to hurt you with the truth._

"_Yuki." _He was becoming frantic. "Please just tell me what's going on."

"I'll be back." I lied, kissing him softly on the forehead and turning away. I barely even heard him calling my name over the sound of my heart pounding as I rushed out the door.

I was tempted to look back. To go back. To hold him and kiss him and just pretend that this wasn't happening. But it was.

So I left without looking back.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Tohma clucked his tongue as I walked in the door. "Have you made your decision, Eiri?"

"I have." I sighed.

Tohma studied me for a moment before picking up the phone. He muttered something into the receiver before looking up and smiling at me with a pleased grin. "Good choice."

**A/N: Believe me when I say, **_**I'm**_** not even sure what's going on here.**


	53. Tokyo Dome

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: Another quick oneshot. This takes place pretty early in Shuichis career. It'd be his first performance at the Tokyo Dome, that's for sure. I'd put him at about age 22-23ish in this story. I wrote this while listening to "Easy Action".**

I had never been one to go backstage. I preferred to watch the performances from a distance. But tonight was just a tad different. Tonight Bad Luck was the headlining act at the Tokyo Dome.

Beside me he was bouncing. Not in a nervousness way though, like I thought he would be, but in excitement. Hoping from one foot to the other. Revving himself and his body up. People kept coming up to him, adjusting his clothes, giving him water, telling him changes or giving him instructions. He'd give each a quick acknowledgement without saying much but he wouldn't stop bouncing.

At least until someone shouted "Five minutes, Shindou!" Nakano and Fujisaki had already been led on stage with the lights still out so they could get setup.

Shuichi looked up at me. "You staying back here?" He asked while adjusting his microphone. He spoke loudly but with the deafening screams coming from just a few meters away it sounded like he was speaking normally.

"Yeah. The crowds a little too big for me but they said there's a spot I can go where I'll still be able to see everything."

That made him smile. "Good." He breathed simply.

Another minute passed. Shuichi was breathing heavier and heavier by the second.

I bent down so I could speak softly in his ear. "You okay, brat?"

He turned to me with a timid smile. "I think so."

"You'll do fine." I promised, placing my hand on his back and leaning in.

Our lips had just touched when the same guy from before called "Shindou!"

I pulled back to see about three people with flashlights ready to lead him under the stage and I planned to tell him to listen to them but Shuichi grabbed my collar and forced me down for a _real _kiss before I got the chance. It was short but tender and I could feel slight tremors coming from him. When we broke apart I looked into his eyes and saw a lot of fear but even more anticipation. I gave him a little shove forwards to get him moving before we both got into trouble.

"Don't screw up." I said with smirk before he was out of earshot. That earned me a very rude gesture.

**A/N: I love these two, haha.**


	54. You Don't Love Me

**Disclaimer: Same**

**A/N: This is a very sad story. More sad then those of death or separation. This is a story of heartbreak and lost feelings.**

"You don't love me anymore do you?"

Shuichi whipped his head up and looked at me with surprise. What made my heart sink was that the surprise looked like it came from me finding out, not from the question itself.

"O-of course I do-" He stuttered in quick denial, looking down.

"_Shuichi._" He stopped talking at once. "Don't lie to me."

"I- I do love you, Yuki." There was no lie in his eyes.

"Then let me rephrase my question. You're not_ in_ love with me anymore are you?"

"Yuki…" I could tell that he had been trying to deny this truth even to himself. I don't think he ever thought it would be possible to fall out of love with me. His first real love.

"I love you, Yuki." He was choking up horrible sobs. He wanted to love me again so badly. "Tell me you love me, Yuki. Tell me that and then maybe… Maybe-"

"It won't change anything, Shuichi. You and I both know that." My voice was in complete monotone. I hated doing this. But this was unfair to the both of us. To keep pretending. We couldn't keep living with this. "You don't love me. Not like you used to. Not like I love you."

He looked at me in even more surprise. In heartbreak. His wide violet eyes were glistening in the moonlight coming through the bedroom window.

"You love me?" His voiced cracked on "love". I could've cried myself.

"Yes." I finally admitted. It killed me to admit it. Why could I only admit it now. Why was it so easy now? Was it because I knew it would spark no overly emotional response from Shuichi? Because I didn't want to deal with the intimacy? "You're not in love with me anymore, Shuichi." He didn't act any different. I could just tell by the way he looked at me.

Shuichi finally broke into full throttled sobs but managed to say a very sad _"No."_

**A/N: I could always see this happening. Shuichi falling out of love with Yuki but Yuki being forever in love with him.**


	55. Exhausted

**Disclaimer: Same:**

**A/N: Not much to say today. This one was written out of frustration because the last three I tried to write weren't working.**

"Yuki."

…

"Yuki."

…

"_Yuki."_

…

"_Yuki!"_

"What!" I demanded flipping over, making Shuichi start. "For god's sake. What?"

"I just wanted to see if you were awake." He whispered.

"Didn't me not answering after the first time answer that for you?"

"Well you could have been ignoring me." He pouted.

I just sighed loudly and flopped back over. Then out of curiosity I opened my eyes to stare at the clock. 2:03am. That made me turn back over and scare the brat yet again.

"Why could you possibly need me at two in the morning?" I asked accusingly, looking back over my shoulder at him. I'll admit I had sometimes felt Shuichi stir late in the night. Getting up for a few minutes, or sitting up, or just changing position. But he never tried to wake me before.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" I tried to not sound curious.

"Nothing in particular. I just missed you. I thought It'd be okay if I woke you."

"Why would you think I'd be okay with that?"

Shu looked down, eyelashes fluttering furiously, and played with the blanket. "Well-I just thought, seeing as though you _are _my lover, that if I ever needed you, that you, you know, wouldn't mind me asking."

I stared at him. I had _not _been expecting that answer. "Come here, you." I murmured.

He came over immediately, leaning over my side so we could look at each other more comfortably.

I gave him one more meaningful glance before I turned completely onto my stomach again. Shuichi fell with me, draped over my body, and gave me a wondering stare when I turned my head in his direction.

"Lie on my back and talk to me if you like."

Shu gave me one goofy grin before carefully aligning himself on my back so his knees touched the mattress and nothing else. He placed his head between my shoulder blades and his hands rested on my arms. I closed my eyes but knew I wouldn't sleep, at least not until the brat did. Because I knew that whatever he wanted to tell me would be worth hearing. And if it wasn't then I could always ask him to sing.

**A/N: The last line has given me an idea for the next chapter.**


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